Further Than Heaven
by Wings of Stars
Summary: Yuna/Tidus -- three months later -- to what lengths will yuna go, what will she believe to get him back? **CHAPTER 18 -- THE UPDATE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR FOR SIX YEARS**
1. The Aftermath

A/N: As a disclaimer, I own nothing 'cept my fishie, my DC's, and some eyelash curlers. Sue me, I dare you. I have a whole $1.56 to my name. And that will most likely be spent by tomorrow. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.

* * * * * *

Summer heat glared, tangerine on her body. The warmth was more than inviting, and she turned to scan the sea before turning back to the abandoned temple. As far as effort was concerned, they were nothing shy of perfect, but the crew hadn't yet captured the image that Yuna and the others had in mind. She put her hands on her hips, a bracelet or two jingling on her wrist. 

She looked over the outside, still almost as it was before the defeat of Sin, and the disappearance of Tidus. But the inside was changing. She walked in, feeling the cool rush at her in millions of tiny waves, splashed upon her body. 

The main entrance, with it's high walls, glimmered majestically with words lining the surface, telling the stories of summoners past. Whether or not the carvers and artists and scholars caught the emotion of what they were dealing with, these temples, these monuments to truth, were helping to dispel the rumors and speculation of what was really going on in Spira, and what had happened, and why. 

Besaid. Yuna had decided to return to her home temple last. Overseeing the rebuilding of a broken world so dependant on it's false religion was no easy task, so she decided to save home for last. After this was done, she could rest a while, perhaps. New government had been established, to keep the power of Yuna's high station in check, as well as to support and aid it in times of immediate need. Her first priority, she felt, was to inform everyone of the truth. After being blindly lead for so long, they had to learn the truth and feel for themselves.

Yuna walked around, reading the text on the walls. There it was, the truth. After so long. The people were shocked, appalled, enlightened, freed. Some who had devoted their lives to Yevon were still trying to figure out what to do with themselves. But all of the sudden there was a need and desire for occupations that there had never been before. 

Technicians, inventors, machina specialists, architects. . . the list was endless. And so was Yuna's work. Speaking, building, rebuilding, destroying. . . Her hands were worn with work, and her mind ached from the labor. There was always another problem to discuss. Something else on her mind every second of the day.

She walked through the halls, and looked over the work. The scholars reading to the carvers, who slowly worked their letters into the aged stone. The back parts of the temple, the very rooms where she had first become a summoner were still untouched. She ran her fingers along the smooth surfaces of the walls, rejoicing in the distant echoes of carving and her own footfalls. She looked up and around her, dark corners filled her head with memories. Fond ones, sad ones, and some she'd like to forget. Then somewhere from deep inside the temple came singing. One deep, feminine voice as familiar to Yuna as her own, singing the hymn of the fayth.

Yuna joined in, singing as clearly and loudly as she could. She continued walking, hand grazing the wall. In some deep place in the temple, she found Lulu, sitting on the floor, staring at the walls.

They finished, and it might not have been the most gorgeous and in-tune rendition of the song, but it served it's purpose. Yuna looked down at Lulu and smiled.

"It's weird to think that everything we were taught was wrong," Lulu said, still gazing over the walls and thinking. 

"Yeah, I guess so," Yuna sighed. "I'm just glad it's over now, and this place is going to some better use." She leaned against the wall, by Lulu. 

"Education never used to be a priority," Lulu said, and Yuna wasn't sure what to make of the comment. She didn't look at Lulu, just continued thinking. After a few moments of silence, she spoke.

"Spira's different now. It has a different set of needs, including educated youth."

"You're really getting good at these public release answers," Lulu joked. 

"You're training me for answering the public without my knowledge?" Yuna rolled her eyes. She was always being trained on what to say if some controversial question came up, or what to do if one of her counselors was being completely disagreeable. Government wasn't so stuffy and prejudiced as it used to be, but it was hard if Yuna had one idea, and her counselors were going the complete opposite way. They were rulers, too, and had powers on a different levels, so it frustrated her, sometimes, when she couldn't just say that they were doing it her way or no way at all. But that wasn't really her, that was usually the stress speaking.

"You're doing a lot better, though. I would never have expected you to do this well with so much attention aimed your direction," Lulu leaned her head back, thinking how nice it was to have her hair just down for a change. Yuna laid down on the floor and looked up at the ceiling. 

"I'm not doing that well. There are so many more people who handle this job so much better than I do. Just because I defeated Sin, it doesn't mean I'm a great politician. Or ruler. Or whatever it is that you would call me," Yuna sighed, and looked up at Lulu. She felt so little sometimes, and Lulu knew it. In truth, Spira had no one better to look up to, and maybe that was because there was no one better to look up to. Lulu didn't know how to phrase it in words.

"You could give it up," she said.

"No I couldn't, the people insist that they need me," Yuna said, a bit frustrated.

"Tidus told you that you could've given up your pilgrimage, and I'm telling you that you can give up your leadership position. What's the difference?" 

"Well, if I *had* given up my pilgrimage, where would Spira be?"

"You could still give up this."

"No, I can't. And since you're telling me to give it up, if I start crying will you try to kiss me?" Yuna said the last part of the sentence sarcastically, and they both started laughing. After a few moments of maniacal laughter, Yuna sighed. "I still can't believe I told you about that."

"You were lovesick and needed to talk. Lucky for you, I wanted to listen. And I still can't believe it happened. I almost died of shock when you said you loved him, although I shouldn't have been surprised. You always snuck glances at each other like cute little five year old's who *like-like* each other. Made me wonder what exactly went on at Macalania. Kimahri didn't tell us anything, just smiled and said that you two were okay. And I'd never really seen Kimahri smile, so it really made me wonder."

"You're accusing us of. .. That?!?" Yuna asked, mouth wide open, half-laughing.

"I'm sorry, but to me, Tidus kind of seemed like the type who would take a girl for all she was worth. I guess I didn't really give him much of a chance when he first showed up. I was kind of bitter and cynical, wasn't I?" Lulu asked. She looked down at Yuna, who was still smiling absent-mindedly and giggling a bit.

"You still *are*, and you just didn't give him a chance because he was cute. I know how much you hate cute boys, you think they're all airheaded jocks," Yuna made a face, and Lulu laughed.

"He *was* just another airheaded jock. But he grew up a lot during the pilgrimage, I will give you that much," Lulu smiled. All truth be told, Yuna grew up a lot herself. It was kind of odd, to see her now. It was like she was all dressed up with nowhere to go, she was ready to give herself whole-heartedly, yet she had no one to give herself away to. 

Presently, Yuna stood up and wiped herself off, looking around the room. Lulu looked up questioningly, suppressing a yawn. 

"And where are you going?" Lulu asked, giving her a suspicious look. Yuna wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. 

"They told me the library in here got finished this morning. Didn't want to go without you. They said they'd found tons of books on every subject, so I figure there's got to be something interesting to read, right?"

Lulu smiled, and reached out her hand for Yuna to help her up. They both walked in relative silence through the rooms of the temple, looking around in awe at the monuments that had been built so long ago. They walked toward the front of the temple, and into a huge room. The walls had been bare before, and the shelves had been carefully constructed in the exact same stone as the walls. And now they were filled, books of every kind lining every possible space on the shelves. Toward the top were ancient books, thick and old and musty. Te bottom shelves were housing more modern books, and books full of stories for children. The room now had a rug and chairs and tables; Yuna looked around in awe. This was how things were supposed to be, there should always have been time to read and study and learn. Lulu grabbed a ladder and started looking through all the old volumes, pulling a few from the shelves and glancing inside them. Some she kept under her arm, some she put back. 

Yuna ran her fingers over the children's books, looking absent-mindedly at the shelves. Lulu stepped back down the ladder and set some of the books down on a table, and took one with her to sit in a chair. 

"Well, that's looks like some interesting reading," Yuna said a bit sarcastically, nodding at the book in Lulu's hands. It was some book on magic, and health, and things like that. Lulu just smiled and continued reading, flipping through pages, looking for something, but nothing in particular.

Yuna picked up one of the books that Lulu had left on the table and started flipping through the age-worn pages. The words sped by, and nothing interesting came into view. Silently, then, she flipped through the pages on life and death. 

The book had apparently been written by a challenger of Yevon, because it blatantly questioned every basic principle of his religion.

"What are you reading, Yuna?" Lulu asked, finally looking up from her musty book.

"Just one of these books you pulled of the shelf. It's basically about. . . it answers all the questions that have come up, what with Yevon's disappearance. Plus it answers more," Yuna never looked up, and it was obvious that she was more than heavily intrigued by the writings. Here eyes kept looking over the pages, as though she were trying to soak the words into her brain.

"Sounds interesting," Lulu said half-heartedly. She was truthfully much more interested in exactly what it was that so captivated Yuna. Considering her lack of interest in the most subjects, it had to be extremely relevant to Yuna's own thoughts and pondering's for her to be so completely immersed.

"Err, Lu, have you ever heard of someone coming back from the dead?" Yuna asked quietly, trying to hide the hope in her voice.

So *that* was it. That's what had so fiercely caught Yuna's attention. Lulu smiled.

"No," she sighed, "I'll bet that book is just full of myths." After three months, Yuna still had hope that she could get her Tidus back. 'What a faithful, faithful girl,' Lulu thought. 'A hopelessly faithful girl.'

Yuna continued, though, hopeful that miracles could happen. For special people, at special times, at the very least. "Not even for a little while, like a day or two?" She'd never give up.

"Yuna, what are you reading and what kind of silly ideas is it filling your head with?" That may have come out a little bit harsher that she had truly intended it to, but Lulu didn't think if was good for Yuna to get high hopes just so she could fall all over again.

Yuna shut the book violently and let out a deep breath. She tried not to let Lulu see the way her eyes were glistening. "I guess you're right, I shouldn't fill my head with this type of stuff. It'll just make me feel worse, in the end." She stood and dropped the book back onto the table she had picked it off of. "I'm going to see how the rest of the temple is coming along."

Lulu watched as she walked away, pretending not to notice the tears in her eyes. Lulu thought she did too much, especially after she'd already done so much. And after she'd had so much taken from her. Yuna always tried to smile and hide her pain, but it was clear as day to Lulu.

Out of sheer curiosity, she picked up the book Yuna had been reading, and started flipping rhgough pages. She saw a chapter heading on life and death, and started reading. There were pictures of people with wings, and a gate that was well-shined. The gate to heaven, it was called. Lulu sighed and closed the book without reading any further. It seemed like Yuna was ready to believe anything, so long as it meant that she had hope of Tidus's return.

* * * * *

Okay, this one is definitely not going to be updated as often as Never Too Far, but I plan on putting a huge amount of time and effort into it. So I think it might be worth the wait. Review, please?? Cuz reviews make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And if you don't, then, well, you're just a big meanie-head and I don't like you either, so *nyaaah* 


	2. Giddiness and Possibility

Papers, papers, papers. She sighed heavily, flipping through the stacks of design ideas for the inside of the temple. Her breakfast sat untouched in front of her, but the designs were over-used, coming apart. She was having a hard time, no one got the same ideas she did, but they were all wonderful, nonetheless. Yuna sighed again, and pulled a design out of the pile. It wasn't perfect, but she shouldn't expect so much. As she went over her three favorites, Lulu came into the dining room. It wasn't unusual to see Yuna like this, in her pajamas, looking worn as she pored over stacks of paper that were as equally used as her.

"Having any luck?" Lulu asked, sitting down at the table with her. Yuna set down two designs for the classroom layouts.

"Which one?" Yuna asked, she looked desperate to get this decision made and done and over with. Lulu pointed to the more minimal of the two.

"This one, if there's more to the room than just the bare minimum there will be no room for creativity. And not to mention all the distractions," Lulu said, taking a muffin from the bowl in the middle of the table. "Have you interviewed the teachers yet?"

Yuna leaned back and rubbed her temples. "Not yet, it'll just have to wait. We have the Blitz game tonight, and I still have matters of business with the leaders of Luca. I hardly have time to breathe," she said, exasperated. She reached for her glass of juice, as Wakka walked in through the front doors.

"Morning, Yuna. You look stressed out, ya?" he said, taking a seat. Yuna half-glared.

"You have no idea," she said dryly.

"You all packed? And how about the team, are they ready?" Lulu decided to ask the predictable, nagging questions at Wakka instead of Yuna, because she was sure that Yuna could get the hint.

"Don't worry so much, ya? Everything's good."

Lulu looked over at Yuna, who was looking overwhelmingly tired and disheveled, considering it was just barely morning. She yawned and looked up from the papers. "Yeah, I got packed last night. I hope I'll be able to catch some sleep on the way to Luca. This whole thing is just too tiring, sometimes," Yuna commented, trying not to yawn. She tried to blink the sleep out of her eyes.

"Well, I'll see you down at the docks in about a half-hour then?" Lulu asked, standing up. Yuna smiled and nodded, standing up, too. Wakka escorted Lulu out of the house, and let her breath out between her teeth. She rubbed her temples and walked to the back of her house, where she'd left her bag. 

Yuna fluffed the new carpet in between her toes as she looked through her closet. Eventually she chose a pair of faded denims and a white tank-top. She changed quickly and tied her hair back in a loose ponytail. She shut her closet doors and sighed yet again. What a life. 

She hadn't asked for this type of thing. She wanted to be a simple summoner, perhaps defeat Sin, and that was it. The end, yes, but a helpful and planned-out end. Now it was hard to really keep going, leading Spira while trying to keep her head up. Sometimes Yuna thought it would be easier with someone by her side, but she only wanted Tidus. Like a typical girl, she thought cynically with a smile, she wanted only what she couldn't have.

She turned around and picked her canvas bag off her bed, slinging it on her shoulder. She grabbed a pair of shoes with one hand, and headed out the door. 

As she stepped out of her new house, she was greeted by the sand under her feet, and hit enthusiastically by the light and heat of the morning sun. She was about to head to the docks, when an idea struck her from absolutely nowhere. Or maybe from her heart; it was hard to tell the difference anymore.

So she walked up to the temple, taking in it's giant grace, and hearing the sounds of carvers working on their median. She walked in, and took in the walls once again, carved with the stories of so long ago. She padded along the halls, cherishing the feel of cool stone under her bare feet. 

Yuna passed a group of carpenters and scholars who were working together. As she walked by, they smiled and nodded. She smiled back, and continued walking through the dim hall. She turned into the library, and was appreciative to find it completely empty. She looked up and briefly contemplated how many books could be there. Then she realized that she didn't have all the time in the world.

She pulled a ladder over to the section where she remembered the book being. Climbing to the top, she scanned the titles, looking for the right book. It was hard to see, though, because all of the books seemed the same color, and the titles barely glinted due to their age. She looked over again, hearing footsteps down the hall, and found it. Quickly, she pulled it off the shelf and shoved it into her bag, and simultaneously ran down the ladder. 

Yuna quickly picked up her shoes, which she had left on the floor, and quickly ran out into the hall, past the carpenters again, and started slowing to a walk when she saw Lulu. 

"Come on, we're going to be late if you keep hanging around like this. What are you doing in here, anyway?" she asked, turning around to walk to the exit with Yuna. Yuna coughed.

"I was just. . . checking on the designs. Making sure everything is going okay," she said, and if Lulu wouldn't have been in such a hurry, she might have seen it as a straight-out lie. Yuna readjusted her bag to cover the corner of the book that was sticking out. 

"You stress too much. They can handle it," Yuna squinted as they reached the door, the bright morning sunlight almost too much to bear. "Come on, let's run," Lulu took off, and Yuna trailed not far behind, squeaking something that sounded much like *that's not fair!*

They stopped upon reaching the docks, both of them gasping for air, and Yuna almost tumbled as she tried to stop running. Wakka laughed, seeing the two of them looking so very unsophisticated, bent over, gasping for air. Lulu stood fully upright and glared at Wakka, brushing the sand off of the bottom of her jeans. 

"I'm just kidding. You two look good, ya? Like a couple of teenagers going to see a blitz game," although he was trying to be sincere, he couldn't help but continue laughing at the two utterly sandy girls. 

Yuna stood up completely, still a bit out of breath, and started laughing, too. "Thanks, Wakka." She then bent over and picked up a handful of sand, throwing it shamelessly at him. Before anyone knew what had happened, Yuna had already run halfway down the dock, laughing crazily and looking back every few seconds. Wakka was a bit stunned, and Lulu ran after Yuna, laughing insanely as well.

They boarded the boat and settled in for a short trip, and for Yuna, a short nap.

* * * *

Upon reaching Luca, Yuna was once again going through papers. Lulu watched as her hopelessly busy almost-sister apparently became frustrated. Yuna was glad to see shore, and shoved the papers into her bag without a second thought. Lulu eyed Yuna for a moment.

"You need to relax. We're on vacation. . . sort of," she said, watching as Yuna stretched and sighed. If she kept this up, she'd either die of stress or depression. She never did anything fun, and was always worried about what she had to do next. She was mastered in the art of pleasing people, but it was taking it's wear.

"Relax. . . right. After I get that meeting done and over with. Then I'll relax, and maybe we can hang around Luca for a few days after. But I still have to get back to Besaid, and make sure everything's going alright with the temple. But knowing my luck, some other leaders or environmentalist group is going to have something to complain about, and I'll have to deal with that, too," Yuna stood and Lulu smiled. It was hard not to admire, her, though. She was always hard working and trying to please everyone. 

"Don't worry about that now. What we need to do now, is get ready for a good game of Blitzball. And if you smile, I'll buy you ice cream," Lulu faked bribery. Yuna faked hopeful.

"Can I throw more sand at Wakka?" she asked brightly. They both laughed, and started walking off the ship and towards the city.

Walking through the wide, overcrowded streets of Luca brought back memories. And Yuna couldn't help but have the urge to whistle, but that would give too much away. And maybe it would do more hurt than good. So she kept it to herself, and smiled as she saw all the people running about, or lounging. She looked around at all the big buildings, some finished, some still under construction. This is what her sacrifice had brought. Content. 

They walked into a hotel, and Lulu got the room keys from the front desk as Yuna took in her surroundings. Deep red carpet patterned in gold and green, and large furniture. They took an elevator to one of the top floors, and Lulu handed Yuna her key. 

"Don't work too hard, you're on vacation, k? And knock if you need something," Lulu said, shooting her an expectant glance. Yuna countered with a smile. 

"I won't, and I will," she opened her door and walked in. Although it looked so manufactured, she couldn't help but love the hotel room. Large and spacious, colored in dark, bold reds and blues. She immediately took of her shoes, and dropped her bag carelessly. She looked in the mirror for a moment, then decided not to bother. It didn't really matter what her hair looked like. 

She walked back towards the door, and picked up her bag, setting it on the end of her bed. She pulled out the ancient book again, and pondered briefly if it was really a good idea, but figured anything was worth the hope.

So she opened the book, and flipped through the pages, searching for what she'd seen the day before. The gate to heaven, there it was. She read on, over what she'd skimmed the day before.

It was said that only one held the key to that gate, and they could allow passage to whom they chose. It was known that keeper of the gate was immortal, and was willing to strike a deal with those worthy of their help. And that was it.

A brief paragraph that somewhat renewed Yuna's hope. But it seemed hopeless, she'd never find the keeper of the gate if that was all she had to work on. There just *had* to be information somewhere, but how would she find it? And worse yet, how would she get around Lulu. The hope, restoration, and practically the leader of Spira couldn't even get past her friends. She laughed at the idea, then went into the bathroom to wash her face and do something more with herself before the game. Not to even try to forget the meeting the next morning. She wasn't looking forward to it.

"Maybe Lulu's right," she sighed to herself, "Maybe I could give this up." She looked at herself in the mirror, white tile behind her and cold under her feet. She knew in her heart that it was impossible for her to give up something so important as this. Spira _needed_ her. She just couldn't abandon all those people who had supported and loved her, even as she supported them. 

Once again, Yuna thought selfishly that it would be easier to just find someone and let them help her in this hard, hard way of life. Although she knew that marriage would be next to impossible with everything else she had in her heart. Technically, she was a widow. Although she considered herself more of a widow from Tidus's disappearance than Seymour's sending. And between the both of them, she'd only had one real kiss. And one forced, cold, and terribly distant kiss.

She made a phhhh noise, and sat lazily on her bed, laying back with an audible 'thump'. 

She crawled up to lay her head on the pillows, all the while thinking. All she really wanted was to be in love, to fall asleep in his arms, listening to the sound of his breathing and his heartbeat. All she truly, desperately wanted was to be comfortable again. For someone to be strong for her, and concerned. Someone to love her, whole-heartedly. But she knew, somewhere, that she maybe wouldn't be able to love them the same way. Losing love, sometimes felt like losing life itself. Or in some unbearable moments, losing the will to live. But now, she did have something she hadn't had before.

She had hope.

* * * * *

Okay, this chapter was written faster than expected. I guess I have a dull life to be able to just sit and write like this. Anyways, I'm once again hoping to get another chapter up quickly, but I'm not making any promises. And I'm REALLY loving your guys' reviews, they feed my ego and make me want to write more so I can have some more ego-food. You're awesome. ^-^ And all of you who are reading and don't leave a review, that's fine, I don't love you either. But if you review, I do love you. Lots. 

  
  



	3. Back To Luca

After a lovely nap for Yuna, and one heck of a Blitz game for all involved (Goers : 2, Aurochs :3), Lulu and Yuna joined Wakka, just as he was coming out of the locker room. Both girls were red in the face, with voices more than a little hoarse from all the intense cheering. Wakka couldn't help himself, and had to laugh at their appearance.

"You guys played an awesome game," Yuna said, although she was hardly able to speak. Her throat ached, and she was so warm she felt like she was going to faint.

"You two look like you had _way_ too much fun, ya?" Wakka laughed. Then his expression of lightheartedness changed to one of shock. Puzzled, Yuna and Lulu turned around to see what Wakka was gaping at.

"Heya guys!" Rikku said enthusiastically, hopping up beside them. Yuna's mouth started gaping wide open as well.

"Rikku! It's been a while!" She reached over to give her cousin a hug. It felt so nice to see Rikku again. Maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad, after all.

"Hey, what do you say we get some food and celebrate a little before we have to get this chronic sleeper back to bed?" Lulu said cheerfully, looking at Yuna. She could do nothing but smiled defenselessly.

"I've only taken two!" Yuna protested, as the four of them started making their way in the flow of the crowds. People lined the sidewalks, they overflowed the streets. The atmosphere was one of joy, celebration, and noise. Yuna couldn't help but feel her spirits lift. They walked in the excitement, happily talking about nothing at all until they reached an older café. Although the crowds were outrageous, they were almost immediately seated near the back window.

"So, Yuna. Life's gotta be _way_ hectic for you, huh?" Rikku asked lightly, sipping on her soda. Yuna looked up from the spot on the table she was absent-mindedly staring at. She smiled.

"Yeah, way. But it's nothing I'm not getting used to. Luckily, Besaid's the last temple so that will be out of the way," Yuna tried to sound less exhausted than she really was. She failed, but not all too miserably.

"Wow, you do you do it all and not just _die_? From what the papers say, you're job is exhausting!" Rikku was ever-curious, and Yuna had to laugh a bit at it. It was people like Rikku who made the world, perhaps, a bit happier.

"Media," she sighed. "I bed they make it sound a lot worse than it really is." Their food arrived and Yuna smiled. "Enough about me," she raised her glass, "I way we drink to Wakka and his spectacular Aurochs!"

They all lifted their glasses, energetic from the afterglow of an amazing game, and a reunion with a friend. And that was only the beginning of all the celebrating, what with the crowds outside cheering and everyone being all around happy. Yuna didn't feel so stressed, and in fact, felt light.

It was long past 2 A.M. when they finally arrived back at the hotel, and Rikku had gone her own way. She'd be in town for a while longer, and that made Yuna hopeful for a great trip to come. 

* * *

The next morning, after being rushed in and out of her terribly boring meeting, Yuna sat in the hotel lobby, with a glass of juice and a newspaper instead of the usual stack of papers. Lulu came down and sat by her, raising an eyebrow. 

"What's this? Are you actually relaxing?" she asked, taking a sip of her own coffee. Yuna re-folded the newspaper and set it down.

"Relaxing. . . hmm. . . I deserve it after that pointless meeting. Can you believe they called me all the way to Luca to talk about re-upholstering old furniture for the temple?" She looked more than a little annoyed, but smiled anyway.

"I'm sure that's not all they talked about," Lulu said expectantly, looking Yuna in the eyes. The morning was warm and clear, and the sunlight shone through the clear hotel windows. Yuna smiled.

"Well, of course not. But I just thought that was a silly thing to discuss in this meeting that they made such a big deal out of. Just because they're cost-conservative and didn't want to buy new furniture, doesn't mean anyone will have a problem with it. But we also talked about the same things we've talked about for the past three months. Prices rising, the need for wages to rise, things like that. Oh," she paused to drink some of her orange juice, "They're building another technical university in Luca. That'll make four under construction."

"Have they hired the teachers for the children's school yet?" Lulu asked, eyes wandering out the window to the water. Sparkling, glinting, reflecting. 

"Yeah, classes are going to start in autumn. Still a month or two to go till everything's ready. I don't think we'll be able to start in Besaid till next year, but maybe I don't have enough faith in the workers," Yuna sighed, looking out the window, too. She yawned. 5 hours of sleep just wasn't enough.

"Maybe so. We're going out with Rikku in an hour. Said she wanted to go clothes shopping. Typical girl," Lulu smiled. Yuna stood, and looked Lulu in the eyes for a moment.

"I'm going to change out of this dreadful skirt. No fun to run around in something like this all day," and she was right, she did look too dressy for a day of shopping. Lulu looked up at her and smiled.

"You do that, I'll see you later then," she said, taking another sip from her coffee.

"What are you going to do while I'm getting ready?" Yuna asked, yawning largely. 

"I don't know, probably read your paper. I don't think it really matters," Lulu picked up Yuna's newspaper, and started looking over it.

"Okay, then, see you in a while," she turned around and walked away.

She walked back up to her room, yawning again and thinking how much she just wanted to be home and normal and boring, just like everyone else. It was nice to think about, regardless of the fact that it would never happen. She opened her room door, and walked inside pondering what she was going to wear. Yuna didn't even really want to go shopping, but if that was what Rikku wanted to do, she'd play along just fine.

She looked through her bag, and nothing really caught her attention, so she grabbed a pair of khaki-colored pants and a dark pink sleeveless t-shirt, souvenirs of her last venture with Rikku and Lulu. She smiled at the thought and changed quickly, relieved to get out of her previously dressy clothing.

She had almost an hour to waste, so Yuna picked up her book and started reading it again. It was more than just a little frustrating that the book had suck limited information. Maybe it was designed that way, or maybe this heaven place was just a myth. Either way, Yuna felt it was her only hope to be able to see Tidus again. It was a thought she would rather avoid, knowing that he was gone. She tried to block it out for the most part, thinking about him as only the way he was before the end of the pilgrimage. 

The book had no author willing to claim it, it seemed, because there wasn't a name anywhere on the cover or the title page. She had tried to figure out who could've written a book like this, but it didn't even have any clues. And she didn't know why she believed it, but it was her last chance, her last hope. She shut the book with a frustrated sigh and looked at the clock by her bed. Still a half hour to go. . . she stood by the window, looking out at Luca. It was amazing, in three months how technology grew so fast. It helped that people had been working underground on machina ever since the beginning of Sin, those who had never believed in Yevon, but had been prosecuted by his followers. 

Yuna had always admired the Al Bhed for not backing down, even though she had believed they were wrong for so long. Wakka had had a hard time adjusting to the fact that what he'd always been taught was wrong. But eventually, he had learned to accept it. 

So now machina were a commonplace thing among everyone in Spira, and new machina were being designed and built and mass-produced at a rate that rivaled Zanarkand times. She tried to avoid the thought, feeling downright nostalgic. But this was one of those times when she couldn't avoid the thought. She sighed and closed her eyes, frustrated that she couldn't block him out all the time. Then again, she wasn't really sure whether she really wanted to avoid the thoughts of him. Because, even though he was gone, he had always made her happy. And he had never wanted to make her cry. She knew that, so she was okay.

Whenever she thought of him, she thought of Macalania. The feel of him, the way his body felt against hers. The softness of his voice, the tenderness of his lips, and the honesty of his feelings. And the way that he brought out her good parts. He truly was heaven to her, truly gorgeous to her in every way. 

'Tidus, Tidus, Tidus,' she thought, letting the name echo in her mind. She smiled briefly, chuckling a little. It was nice that she'd been able to be close to him for that short, short time. What she wouldn't give to have him back, though. She'd practically sell her soul, other than that Tidus would be upset with her for doing something so drastic. 'I can't help it if I love you, it was your fault in the first place,' she mused. Speaking directly to him was one of those habits that no one would ever understand. And she did miss him, and she did want him. But she had a life to live. And until she could win his life back for him it would just have to be good enough. She looked at the clock, and noticed she only had ten minutes until she had to meet Lulu and Rikku for shopping. 

Thinking for that long, it was crazy. But at least the thought of him didn't depress her like they did the first month. He was gone, and she knew it, and she just had to deal with the separation. And although she didn't feel it was fair that he had to leave just because the fayth's were sent, she knew it would take a miracle to get him back. And until she could find that miracle, things were going to stay the same.

Yuna looked at the book lying at the foot of her bed. "You don't have my miracle," she said a little sadly, and very quietly. She looked at the clock again, and she still had almost ten minutes, so she readjusted her hair and looked in the mirror for a moment. She smiled at herself, and inspected her teeth, and then made sure that her smile was sincere. She was going out with her cousin and her almost-sister, and she was going to spend some of her hard-earned money. And she was going to look darn cute, afterwards. She considered a haircut or something, but decided against it. She'd never been really vain, so Rikku had been vain for her.

After all, it was easy enough to look cute when your cousin knew just what to wear to attract boys. Although she honestly was tired of all these boys hanging around just because she was famous and just because she was rich. She once again caught herself thinking about Tidus, at least she knew that he would be around because he loved her, not because she was rich and famous. 

For the time being, she was going to reduce herself for common girlishness and consult her shopping bag for comfort. 

* * * * * 

A/N: sorry that took so long, and I'm terribly sorry that it wasn't as good as the last two. And I'm especially sorry that I have to write all this stuff before I can get to the good stuff, but I promise, promise, promise that I'll add lots of good stuff when I can. For now, this will do. By the way, everyone who leaves a review officially is way cool. And anyone who doesn't, just is unlovable.


	4. Hopeful

"Yunie, you're so cute, you should really wear dresses more often, Rikku squeaked as Yuna walked out of the dressing room, sporting a light blue dress. She glanced sideways at Rikku, admiring herself in the mirror. 

"I wear dresses and skirts to meetings, and that's good enough for me. Maybe if I ever get married, you can swoon over buying me a dress. But until then, please don't put me through that method of torture," Yuna faked a voice of pleading, still giving herself the once-over in the mirror. She had to admit, knee-length dresses always made her look cute. Not that she really depended on her looks. She had things to take care of, and people as well, what she looked like wasn't on the top of her list of priorities.

"Married. . . ooh, I can see it now. You'd be just sooooo gorgeous in a wedding dress," Rikku squeaked again, and Yuna could already see the sparkling in her eyes.

"And when do you plan on that being?" Lulu asked, emerging from her own dressing room, wearing a slinky little black dress. Rikku whistled like a guy checking out some hot girl, and Yuna just smiled. 

"Not till I find someone who loves me for my insides, not my money or fame or whatever else it is that people seem to have such a fascination with," Yuna sighed and walked back into her dressing room. Lulu laughed.

"That's not all guys like you for," she said, and Yuna herself laughed from behind the dressing room door.

"No, Yuna, she's right. Just look at you, you're smart and pretty, and what guy in their right minds just wouldn't fall all over themselves for you?" Rikku was continually the optimist, and Yuna couldn't blame them for trying. After all, she never had even thought about doing things with other guys since the end of her pilgrimage, since Tidus's disappearance. She emerged from the dressing room again, this time wearing a floor length pink _thing_, just for Lulu's enjoyment, and Rikku's completely apparent entertainment.

"How is it that you can pull of just about anything you wear, even if we were trying to make you look silly?" Rikku asked critically, but laughed anyways.

"By the way, you two, if you hadn't noticed, I just can't get interested in anyone anymore. It seems pretty hopeless. And no one says I haven't tried to find other guys attractive, but I just can't," Yuna looked herself in the face, the mirror making her feel self-conscious about what she was saying.

"Well, why not?" Lulu asked quietly from the inside of her changing room. Yuna played with the carpet under her bare toes, nervously contemplating how stupid she might sound for feeling how she real felt. She took a deep breath and turned away from the mirror, looking at the ceiling. Rikku had returned to her dressing room as well. 

"I would just. . . just feel like I was cheating on any guy who came along. Because they might be nice and wonderful and everything, but my heart still hasn't moved on. My heart could never possibly be in it," she said, trying to make the best sense out of what was going on her heart.

"I.. . I can't argue with you," Lulu said, walking out in her normal clothes. "Now get in there and change, so we can hit another store."

Four hours later, Yuna and Lulu returned to the hotel with full shopping bags, full stomachs, and practically no energy. Yuna couldn't remember the last time she'd giggled so much, or had so much fun. She felt almost guilty for not telling her friends everything about what she'd found out, about heaven. About her only hope.

She lay down and stared at the ceiling for a while, thinking about a bookstore she had noted when they were shopping. She didn't know how she was going to be able to check anything out without Lulu finding out about it, and she sure didn't know how to keep herself from being so guilty. But she knew she had to go, and she knew she had to be honest to herself, even if she couldn't be honest to anyone else. If there was a way to get Tidus back, she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she didn't try. Although she was learning to be strong, it wasn't easy at all to keep herself standing on two feet. Alone.

'What a terrible word,' she thought hopelessly, trying to block it out of her mind. She wasn't alone, though. She would never be alone. She had people who loved her, she had people who would never stop loving her. And one, even through the worst separation possible, she knew would always be with her. And if not physically, then in spirit. 

But it wasn't enough, she knew, so she mused on the idea of the bookstore for a few moments, before falling hopelessly asleep.

  
  


She woke up a few hours later, and it was nearly ten. Yuna stretched and sat up, noticing vaguely that she was in her clothes, rather than pajamas. She yawned and stood, walking around the room in aimless circles, thinking. Thinking if she should take a bath, or just try to go back to bed, or read. Read? She smiled dangerously, peeking out the door of her room, cautiously peering around corners. She knew that Lulu would already be in bed, characteristic of the early sleeper that she was. So she ran back into her room, picking up her purse and her room key before leaving again.

She walked down the hall and the stairs, noticing the hotel smell of swimming pools and air fresheners. The lights were on, and it made her somehow wish they were still without machina. But that was her nostalgia kicking in again. She walked out the front doors into the cool rush of night air. People were all around, and she felt somewhat out of place, walking alone in the middle of all these couples and groups. 

She half-ran through the streets, making her way downtown. The bookstore they had passed was near the blitzball stadium. It felt somewhat out of place, it didn't look very big, and perhaps a little run-down, worn by age.

She walked into the little shop, glad to smell cinnamon and feel warmth rush over her. The old lady at the counter looked happy to see her. Yuna looked around at the well-polished bookshelves, hardly knowing where to start. But before Yuna could even move, the old lady was at her side, looking up at her.

"Lady Yuna, I've been expecting you, and I know just what you are looking for. Come with me," her voice was practically ancient, and her hands were bony, no part of her was untouched by age.

Yuna looked questioningly at her, but decided that it was better not to ask too many questions. After all, she certainly wasn't an expert at what she was getting herself into, and she felt like the old lady knew what she was doing.

Yuna followed her, past too many bookshelves to count. They stopped, walking in an old room; the paint was peeling, crying for attention. The entire room was dusty, and smelled like time itself. Yuna wasn't sure whether to trust this or not, because sometimes the whole idea seemed a little crazy, and this was one of those times.

In the middle of the room was a table, dusty and cobwebbed. Sitting on top of the antique table was a book that looked older than anything Yuna had ever seen in her life. The old woman picked up the book with her bony fingers, and handed it gently to Yuna.

She took the heavy book into her seemingly fragile hands, feeling it's leather-bound grace grip under her fingers. She hoped that the old woman was truly as wise as she seemed. And she definitely hoped that she knew as much about Yuna as came across.

"How much do you want for it?" Yuna asked finally, looking over the cover. It had gold accents, and was long since wearing from use.

"Nothing. I owe it to you for what you did for us, all of us on Spira," she said firmly. Yuna protested, not wanting to just take it.

"I can't just take this, it looks expensive, and if not expensive, then at least valuable. I can't just take it," she shook her head, and the old lady looked deep into Yuna's eyes.

"You gave up something that most people never have in the first place. The very, very least I can do is to help you get it back. Riches are nothing, my dear. I want to help you get back the very thing that is worth so much more," the old lady's creaky voice echoed in Yuna's heart, and she knew that maybe she was right. Knowing that she would never win against a woman with a will as strong as steel, she hugged the book close to her chest, feeling her eyes fill with tears.

"Thank you, ma'am. Thank you," Yuna said quietly, the feel of the leather in her arms making her hopeful enough to cry. She tried not to, but could feel herself losing grip.

"You're welcome darling. And good luck, just remember to believe," the old woman said, placing a bony hand on Yuna's warm arm. She looked into Yuna's eyes and smiled, and Yuna couldn't help but smile back, feeling like she could never hide her feelings if she tried. 

The old woman kindly showed her out, and Yuna wiped her eyes as she faced the busy streets, feeling hopeful, but still a little hesitant. She turned around to the store again, and watched the old lady busy herself with organizing bookshelves and things. She quickly took a pen and paper out of her purse and wrote a thank you note, putting it gently under the window. That gave her time to re-organize herself after the tiny bout of crying she had done. 

With the book enclosed tightly in her arms, she walked back to the hotel, not noticing the noisy crowds of people moving in all directions around her. And thinking about it, still reveling in the wonder, her miracle that had just happened, she realized that the old woman in the bookstore had given her what no one else had been able to for three months. Comfort. Solace. And more than just a little hope.

And even if the book didn't hold her answers, she was okay with that for a moment. Because someone understood and appreciated and was truly grateful for Yuna's sacrifice. 

She walked back into her hotel room and set the book down on her bedside table, glancing at the red numbers on the clock. 11:30, time to be asleep, they said. She had walked for a long time, and thought for a long time, and in all ways had been okay. 

But she was exhausted from a long and exhilarating day, and she knew she needed to sleep. She looked out the window, glad to see all those people happy, but wished that she could see the stars. "Everything is going to be okay," she whispered to herself, glancing at the leather-bound work on her nightstand. "Everything is going to be okay, because I'm going to find a way." The words were hardly spoken, but it was all she needed to make herself feel better. She quickly changed into her pajamas, then laid on her bed, heart pounding in her ears. And even if she may have seemed like a hopeless case to anyone else, she felt honest to herself. Honest in admitting that she was in this alone for a while, and that even though she might have to do something that seemed a little crazy or a lot stupid, she was doing what she had to do. 

For her own happiness. For her own well-being. And even though it would be hard, she knew it would be worth it to be in his arms again. As she thought that to herself, she fell asleep, content for the first time in a very long time.

* * * * *

A/N: I actually wrote this whole chapter in the two days directly after I finished chapter four. I just didn't post it till now. Why? Because. Anyways, I'm not sure how long till the next chapter. I guess it depends on how much I force myself to write. Leave me a review and tell me what you think. All reviewers go to heaven, and flamers go to hell, and non-reviewers . . . well, who cares about them, they're just big meanie-heads anyways. 


	5. At The Gate

Yuna woke up the next morning to the sound of knocking at her door. Light was obviously trying to force it's way through her blinds, peeking around the corners. It was late morning, almost 10:30, and Yuna wished she was still sleeping. She yawned, and groaned, and rolled over in bed, flopping her arms around a pillow. 

"Who is it?" she cried out sleepily, yawning barely after the sentence had finished. The fluffy bed sheets and pillows were more good reasons to forget about consciousness and shut her eyes again.

"It's Lulu, will you let me in or am I going to have to break the door down?" Lulu's voice was impatient and muffled through the door. Yuna smiled, envisioning her with her hand on her hip and her exaggeratedly stern face. She let out a half a giggle and sat up, looking around. The book the old lady at the store had given her was sitting on her bedside table. She hurriedly shoved it under the bed next to the one from the temple's library before standing and making her way to the door, wobbling with sleepiness.

She unlocked the door, twisting the handle as she yawned largely. As she opened her eyes, she was greeted by a very awake, very ready Lulu. Yuna leaned her half-bare, long-limbed frame against the doorway for support. "Morning," she yawned again, having a hard time not falling backwards onto the floor.

"You slept in late," Lulu said. She eyed Yuna suspiciously, and Yuna just blinked and rubbed her eyes. Her head was bent to the side a little, and Lulu couldn't see her smile. 

"Yeah, it feels so good. No hectic meetings, nothing to check on today. Now if you'll excuse me, I have another date with my bed," she smiled at Lulu, turning to the bed. Lulu walked in and shut the door behind her, sitting on the end of Yuna's bed as Yuna crawled under the covers.

Lulu looked at the twisted sheets and random placement of pillows, then looked at Yuna's tired face. "You're a pretty wild sleeper, huh?" she commented, crawling under the covers with Yuna. Yuna just smiled.

"Not really, I just make it look that way to make you paranoid," her eyes were closed, one arm over the covers, one under her pillow. Lulu poked her in the stomach.

"You don't make me paranoid," she said dryly, Yuna opened her eyes to see Lulu smile at her. 

"You're trying to make me get out of bed, aren't you?" she asked sleepily, closing her eyes again. "Well, stop trying, because it's not going to work."

"Oh isn't it?" Lulu laughed evilly, picking up a pillow and bringing it down on Yuna with no prior warning to her blocked vision. Yuna squealed, and tried to hit Lulu with her own pillow without sitting up or opening her eyes. She failed miserably, because Lulu had already moved away from where she had been sitting.

Yuna received another smack on her upper leg from Lulu's pillow, and she quickly retaliated by sitting up at and throwing her pillow at Lulu then grabbing another one and standing up on the bed, ready to give her a proper pillow-beating. Lulu went for her legs, trying to knock off her balance. Yuna brought her pillow down on to Lulu's head, and Lulu kept beating her legs until she finally lost balance and fell onto the bed before accidentally rolling off of the bed and hitting the floor with a loud thump. Both Lulu and Yuna were in a fit of laughter, and barely heard the knock at the door. Yuna was too busy laughing, so Lulu got the door. 

Outside the door there was a very confused Wakka, who was made even more confused at the sound of Yuna's hysterical laughter.

"You guys are alright, ya?" Wakka asked, trying to see around Lulu into the room. Yuna was standing up behind the bed, still laughing. Wakka and Lulu had to join in the laughter, seeing her in her pajamas looking disheveled. Yuna rubbed her lower back with hand, holding onto the end of the bed with the other.

"Lulu cheats," she giggled, looking up at the two standing in the doorway, trying to keep her laughter at a minimum. 

"All is fair in love and war," Lulu said nonchalantly. Yuna threw a pillow half-heartedly at her, still laughing a little. "Wakka, let's go so Yuna can get ready." 

"Do I have to?" she asked in a whiny voice, stretching.

"Unless you want to run around in your pajamas all day. Come on, we're meeting Rikku for lunch in an hour and a half," Lulu said, looking at her expectantly. She smiled anyway.

"Okay, then. Now get out of here before I change my mind and go back to sleep," Yuna laughed as they nodded and Lulu closed the door behind her. Walking into the bathroom, Yuna started running water for a bath. She hurriedly grabbed some clothes, and in a spark of idea she grabbed her newest treasure out from under the bed and walked back into the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the bathtub and opened the book, hurriedly scanning the pages for any clues, or any help at all. 

She saw a picture that closely resembled that of the one in the book from the temple, and it caught her eye. Reading the aged, half-faded words she carefully took it all into her brain. It repeated the same thing she already knew, and then went on to say that the keeper of the gate had to show themselves to those who were worthy of their help. 

It was avoiding the true question, just as the last book had. How could she make herself known to this *keeper*? But more importantly, how could she get Tidus back? She kept reading, frustrated that this whole mess wasn't getting her anywhere. She decided that she'd read on later, because her bath was almost done running, and the more she read the more frustrated she got. Closing the book heavily, she let out an angry noise from her throat. But it didn't make her feel any better.

* * * * *

They didn't return until late that night, and Yuna retreated immediately to her room. As the days wore on, she grew more in need of him. 'Funny,' she thought, 'I never felt like this until there was hope.'

She half-laughed at herself, then sat on the floor, picking up the book. She flipped back to the pages she had been reading earlier, and decided to start reading in-depth. Yuna read page after page, with more details on what the process would most likely be.

A trade, it seemed. The keeper would leave the receivers of the gift completely either defenseless or poor. She could handle that. But as she read on, she felt her heart break. Even if she were given this miracle, it was *temporary*. The book didn't say how temporary. A few hours? A few days? If she was lucky, perhaps a few months? Yuna's throat tightened, knowing that seeing him and then being left in the wake of his absence might bring her to the breaking point. But to see him again, for that time, would be worth it.

At almost midnight, Yuna found what she was looking for. She quickly recognized the symbol on the page, puzzled at how little sense it made, but tucked the book under one arm and half-ran into the cool night.

The crowds had considerably died down since the last Blitzball game, and there weren't as many people walking around at this ungodly hour as had been last time she snuck out. The summer night was humid, and warm, and made her feel very at home. It could have been the way that so much hope flowed freely through her veins. 

She made her way past the Blitzball stadium, and back to where the bookshop had stood. Funny, though, it wasn't the same. It wasn't even occupied. It looked ancient, and as she stepped into the dusty, abandoned place she realized that there weren't even books left on the shelves. This whole adventure seemed to get more mixed up the further she walked. Undaunted by the change of appearance, though, she walked further into the dusty building. 

The ceiling hung a tiny bit sideways, and cobwebs occupied every available corner. She stepped over broken, tipped, and vandalized shelves, ducking her head below the webs. She made her way past the other rooms, down the hall, back to the back room. There was a window, luckily, so she could see the silhouettes perfectly. And in the middle of the room stood the same pedestal that the book in her arm had set on.

The floor behind her creaked, but Yuna ignored the eerie sounds. She assumed that it was her nervous heart playing tricks on her. Although she had gallantly made her way to this room, she had truthfully had to think of Tidus, and only Tidus, to fight the urge to run back to the hotel, full-speed. She figured this excruciating fear would just have to be dealt with if she was going to be honest with what she wanted. 

Yuna made her way to the pedestal and dusted off it's surface, recognizing the symbol on it as the duplicate of the symbol in her book. A large hand print with three rings connecting in the middle of the palm. She looked behind her nervously, seeing nothing, then proceeded to move her hand toward the symbol. 

She closed her eyes, fearful of some light or spell, as she placed her hand in the middle of the symbol. She was expecting a jolt, a feeling, or something. But all that came was a voice, wise beyond years but unworn by age. 

"Open your eyes, Yuna. I've been waiting for you."

The whisper came from behind her, and Yuna was more than a little scared to turn around. But she knew she had to fight the fear, she knew that this was the only way. Unless, her heart pounded, it was some elaborate set-up to trap her. But who would want her now? Sin was gone, and everyone else who would wish her harm. So she opened her eyes, greeted by a much different room, her hand on a matching pedestal to that of the old store.

The entire room was bathed in white, with long windows and long white curtains. White marble floors, and the radiance shone. Yuna's eyes hurt from the adjustment. She turned around slowly, and behind her was a woman dressed in a long white dress. Her fair skin stood out against her dark hair and bright green eyes. 

"Where am I?" Yuna asked uncertainly, feeling surprisingly humble against the brilliance of her surroundings and the aura radiating from the woman standing in front of her. 

"You are in the Farplane," the woman said firmly, leaving a trail of questions practically hanging from her lips. Of all of those millions of questions, Yuna spoke only one.

"Am I dead?" None of it made sense. She wasn't defenseless or poor if she was dead, and why would she be temporarily dead? She wasn't getting the answers, but she patiently waited for the woman to explain things instead of demanding answers.

"Yuna, have you ever wondered what is behind the walls of the waterfall of the Farplane?"

Yuna stood quietly, not daring to make a sound, paying attention now to the sound of water that was distant.

"I live here. I know you know who I am, but you don't really know me. My name is Thanesh, and this," she held up a golden key no different from any other old-fashioned key from Spira, "Is the key to heaven."

Yuna's mouth practically hung open from astonishment. She tried to recollect her wits, feeling utterly small in the run of things. Never in all her life, her time as a summoner, had she ever thought of heaven. Nor had she ever thought of someone living in the Farplane. Shocked didn't even begin to describe how she felt. And she felt so insignificant, and so ignorant and naive. 

"So the gate is here, too?" Yuna asked, finally pulling her thoughts together in some sort of an orderly manner. Thanesh, standing with her hands clasped together now, nodded and smiled. Yuna just looked at her.

"You would like to see it, I know. But I have to know if you're completely sure of what you're doing. You know how miserable it will be, you were thinking it earlier. Will you suffer that grieving, that loss again, just to see him for a while?"

Yuna stood silent, contemplating her options. Then she felt foolish, it was obvious. She would sell her soul, everything she owned, to spend a single day with him. She looked up at Thanesh. "Yes," Yuna said quietly, nodding slightly.

"Follow me, then," Thanesh said, turning around. Yuna followed her up three or four white stairs and through brilliant white hallways, lined with pictures of things that Yuna could never have even imagined. They walked out some glass doors with gold handles near the back of the house. Pyreflies swam through the humid air, dancing in brilliant colors. Yuna had never seen so many together in all her life. The whole atmosphere was crammed with them. 

Thanesh led her down a white marble path for a few minutes, and there it stood. Gold and intricate and lovely. It was more enormous than she could ever have imagined, and six gold steps led up to it. The white shining from behind the gold gates was more brilliant and pure than any color she had ever seen before. She stood in awe, and just stared at it. And there, standing right behind the gates with his same calm smile and beautiful eyes, was Tidus.

"Do you want him badly enough?" Thanesh asked, a tone of premonition covering her voice. Yuna paid no attention to the tone, just stared, smiling at Tidus. So close, so very close.

"Yes," she whispered, not tearing her eyes off of him. He looked the same, just a little less worn, and dressed in white. 'An angel,' the word toyed in her mind. He was gorgeous. "I don't think I could want him any more if I tried," she sounded desperate, and the truthful words seemed to make her heart ache for the want of him. Thanesh smiled, Yuna still didn't tear her eyes off of Tidus.

Thanesh spoke, and the triumphant tone of her voice still didn't register to the giddy Yuna. "Let's make a deal."

* * * * 

Once again, sorry about the wait. I was dragging my feet a bit, and school starts tomorrow. So I finally got somewhere with this. I hope it's not rushed, that's my only worry. But let's face it, it was getting nowhere fast. The next chapter should be interesting. Now I get to start having fun! ::evil laughter:: Anyways, keep up the reviewing, you guys are AWESOME!! I love you reviewers *soooo* much. I've been getting so much positive (and constructive) feedback that it helps me want to get more chapters out. Cuz then I get more praise! Yippeee!

All reviewers go to heaven! Go you! 

  
  
  
  



	6. Waking a Dream

"Yuna, I need your attention for a minute," Thanesh tried to snap Yuna out of her half-dazed state. 

"What?" Yuna looked over to Thanesh and blushed, "sorry." She tried to focus her attention on Thanesh, but was finding it extremely difficult. The temptation to just stare at Tidus was overwhelming. 

He'd been waiting for her. With a little help from some mightier sources than himself, and a lot of divine intervention, he knew she'd come. He'd been hoping and wishing and pouring his whole soul into finding a way to the bend the rules. Even though he was so desperate to be reunited with her, he had been proud of her. Especially of the way that she let her life carry on, and the way she handled herself. Tidus had found out that he hadn't known a thing about anything. And he certainly had underestimated Yuna's all-around wonder. So he stood patiently at the gates, wanting nothing more than to run his eyes over her again, and again, and again. Okay, perhaps he'd like to run his hands through her hair, and maybe steal a kiss or two. Or a million. Endless, boundless, eternal. The words meant so much more to him now, and he wanted to share everything with her.

"We have business to take care of, before I can let him out, you know. And I'm afraid with him there, you'd be a bit preoccupied," Thanesh smiled, and it left Yuna to wonder whether she knew exactly what she herself was going through. Yuna looked into her face for an answer but got nothing, so she just smiled back. "Come on, Yuna. Let's go inside and talk this over."

Yuna looked back through the golden gates to the radiance held there, and Tidus standing there. Patient. The look on his face told her that he knew she had to leave for just a few minutes more, and that he would be there. But she knew that he would always be there, no matter where she went. Suddenly she found herself stretched between where she stood, and where he was. She wanted to be in his arms again, but contented herself with a smile. And he smiled. For the time being, there was nothing more that she could do.

So she followed Thanesh back inside the great white house, trying to clear her head for what she assumed would be some very important conversation. Although she was trying to be her normally patient self, she felt like a child on her birthday, seeing that pretty box that she couldn't open quite yet. She looked around her at the gorgeous house, but beauty wasn't important anymore, and she couldn't focus on anything. Her thoughts kept racing back to Tidus, behind those gates. Tidus and his smile, his heart. 

They stopped in the middle of the hall and Thanesh leaned against the wall, and smiled at Yuna. She made her best effort to get her mind off of Tidus, and focused on Thanesh, although the giddiness was making any other thought hard to grasp. But she found it somewhere inside of her to look forward at Thanesh, trying to trust in her. 

"You understand that I can't let you just have him. I need reassurance that nothing will happen to me, and that you guys aren't going to pull a stunt. And the only reason I'm letting you have him back in the first place is because you two are pretty much the saviors of Spira. And because Tidus has been working so hard to lead you here, that I can't let him down. He doesn't deserve to be where he's at, anyway," Yuna wasn't sure what she was hearing was making sense, but she pretended anyway. In all, all she wanted to know were the details, what she'd have to do. She wanted him back as soon as possible and her patience was wearing thin. 

"Yes, yes," she said, focusing her attention on getting Thanesh to hurry this up. Yuna gave her a look that dug past her eyes, trying to bring out what needed to be said. Thanesh more than sensed Yuna's anxiousness and discarded any hope of Yuna thinking rationally.

"I need your consent for me to take your summoner's staff and Tidus' sword," Thanesh said quietly. Yuna looked puzzled.

"But neither of those things have been used in months," she said questioningly, and her look of confusion only deepened. 

"Just reassurance that I'm not going to get hurt, that you two will behave yourselves," Thanesh said, and Yuna had a funny feeling that she wasn't telling the whole story. She decided that she was just anxious, and nodded. 

"Yes, you can have them. Anything," the desperation in Yuna's voice was apparent, and after that tiny spurt of confusion, she was once again impatient. Thanesh smiled.

"Okay, now here's the hard part. You'll only have a week."

"A week? Is that negotiable?" Yuna asked, half-whining, half-exhilarated. Consciously, she wasn't really all that worried that it was only going to be a week. She just wanted him back. Now. And that was the end of it. 

"Not really, even I have rules to abide by. And a week is the maximum time I can let you have. I wish it was more. . ." Thanesh trailed off sadly, but Yuna still looked full of hope. 

"I'll just have to make it the best week of my life, then," she said, her voice still a little said, but her eyes glittering eyes told more than her voice ever could have. Thanesh put a hand on Yuna's shoulder, and Yuna looked up and smiled. It was going to be hard to leave him again, she knew, but she was willing. A week to know him again.

"I'll deal with the staff and the sword later. For now, let's get Tidus back to you," Thanesh took a key from around her neck. It had been hidden under her collar, hung by a gold chain. The key was large, but in no way noticeable as a special key. She once again lead Yuna outside, and up to the gate. This time, Yuna noticed a lock, and Thanesh walked up to it purposefully. Yuna's heart pounded painfully, full of anticipation as hope as she heard the click of the key fitting into the lock. And then the gate opened. 

As the gate was only partially open, Tidus bounded out, and Yuna made a run for him, too. Arms outstretched, they collided. And it felt so good to feel him. He pulled her close, and tears started streaming wildly from her eyes. It wasn't possible to explain at that moment, but it felt so right to feel him breathing. And he was no less ecstatic, being able to run his fingers through her hair. 

Thanesh smiled at them for a moment, never having seen something so gorgeous in her existence as those two running to each other. She didn't hesitate long, and shut the gate, closing her eyes and sighing. 

Tidus and Yuna just breathed each other in for a while, holding each other blindly. Yuna couldn't stop crying, and Tidus's eyes weren't exactly dry either. He blindly kissed her neck and hair until he gained the composure to open his eyes. And when he did, he almost fell over backwards.

Yuna sensed his confusion, and opened her eyes, not letting go of him. She, too, was a little surprised at the dusty atmosphere. She soon realized, though, that she had returned to the old room in the back of the abandoned bookstore. She smiled in disbelief, hardly able to breathe. She was back in Luca, and still in his arms.

"Umm, Yuna?" Tidus was confused, "where are we, anyway?" She grabbed his hand, and started leading him towards the exit.

"We're in Luca, near the Blitzball stadium. Oh, you're in for a shock," she said, half-amused. 

"Shock? Why?" Tidus asked, dazed. It was surreal, even for him, to be walking through a dark building, hand-in-hand with Yuna. She barely let a giggle escape, as she opened the front door with her free hand. Tidus stepped outside into the night air with her, and looked around him. She was right, he was shocked. 

"It's only been three months?" he asked, looking up at the tall building, lights scattered around the streets. Luca had already been transformed into a machina city, like Zanarkand had been. And now, though, he felt like years had slipped by and he had no idea what had gone on. 

"Yep, only three months," she whispered, looking at his awed face, so silenced and amazed. Yuna smiled, squeezing his hand a little. "It's late, past my bedtime." 

Tidus laughed at her childish comment, slipping his hand out from her, putting his arm around her back, and pulling her closer to him. She had the urge to melt into him right then, but realized that they should probably get back to the hotel before she did anything else. But the temptation was practically irresistible. She just wanted to kiss him forever.

"This way," Yuna said quietly, slinging her arm around his lower back as she started walking. It didn't take long to get back to the hotel, even in her exhausted state she wanted to walk as quickly as possible back. 

The long halls seemed strange to Tidus, and the smell was like nothing he'd been surrounded with since when he was in Zanarkand. The hotel was much like most he'd stayed in, in Zanarkand. The same patterns in the carpet, even. Yuna stopped to open the door, and led him inside her room. It was bigger than most of the houses in Besaid had been, the last time he'd been there. And although he would never have admitted it, he was beginning to feel a little out of place. 

She flipped the light on and closed the door quietly behind them, and he turned around to face her. They were both clueless as to what was supposed to happen next, but neither of them would ask it. Yuna walked over to a dresser, her luggage laying messily on top of it. She grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank-top and walked toward the bathroom, the awkward silence still engulfing them. 

"I'm gonna change in here, real quick. I'll be right back out," she said quietly, opening the bathroom door and sliding in gracefully. Tidus looked at the clock, 2:00 AM. 

He started stripping down to his shorts, deciding that his normal outfit wouldn't be very comfortable to sleep with. Neither would it be a lovely outfit to hug, and all he wanted to do was hold Yuna. He didn't even hear the door to the bathroom open, and didn't notice Yuna watching him slide his shirt off. She smiled at him, just watching. 

He turned around, and just looked at her. Although he was so close, he couldn't help feeling uneasy about the whole situation. Something didn't feel right, but told himself that it was just some kind of surprise anxiety. He was entangled in these thoughts when Yuna turned off the lights. He saw her silhouette move toward him, her eyes shining in the dark. She grabbed his hand lightly and pulled him toward the bed. More thoughts flooded his mind as he was being led, but he knew he could never let something happen. He picked the covers up for her as she crawled under, and he settled in next to her, putting his arms around her. 

She rolled over quickly to face him, her eyes shining in the darkness. He didn't know what to say, but he didn't want her to cry. Tilting her face up with one hand, he kissed her gently. Barely brushing his lips against hers, but the electricity between them was undeniable. His plan worked against him, though, because she immediately started crying silent tears. 

Tidus ran his fingers up and down her back, and she pulled herself up to his bare chest, taking in his warmth. He tried to shush her, to stop her crying.

"Yuna, why are you crying, what's wrong? What's going on?" he asked, genuine concern in his voice. He was so worried that he'd done something wrong that all he wanted to do was to hold her forever to try and make it right.

"You didn't do anything," she sniffled for a moment, then tried to regain some grip on herself. "I just. . . if I'm dreaming, please never wake me up again."

Her desperation, her plea, so simple and gentle, tortured his heart in a way he had never though possible. During the day, she was happy Yuna, always helping everyone else and never thinking of herself. But when the day was lost, she was just Yuna. With no one there beside her, because he was gone.

He subconsciously pulled her firmer into him, nestling his face into her hair and kissing her head. And he knew he couldn't have helped what had happened, but he felt guilty about not being there for her. And he apologized a thousand times, holding her close to him. He never wanted her to cry herself to sleep over him again. Ever.

* * * *

I am soooooo sorry about the wait on this chapter. Yes, there's more plot to come. And I'm soooo busy, that you'll just have to be patient with me. I love you reviewers very much, you rule. I can never thank you enough, and i can never apologize enough. Hopefully a week till the next one.

  
  



	7. Near You Always

When he woke up, a soft warm body right up against his, he didn't even have to think about where he was. Because heaven wasn't so satisfying as waking up next to Yuna. Tidus opened one eye slowly, looking at her. She was gorgeous, her breathing slow and soft, her hair falling slightly over her face. He kissed her forehead gently, not meaning to wake her though her eyes fluttered lazily open. She yawned slightly and looked up at him. He was glad to look into her eyes, but was immediately apologetic.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," he whispered, kissing her cheek next to her ear. He felt her warm breath on his neck, so soft and close. He never knew waking up could feel so good.

"It's fine, I'm ready to be awake now," she curled up into him, her lips gently brushing his neck as she spoke. 

The room was enveloped in a red glow from the light trying to burst from behind the curtains. Everything was tranquil, he thought. Her lips, her eyes, her hair. Everything about her shining gorgeously, burning an impression in his eyes. A picture he never wanted to lost. And although waking up next to her had always been a desire he had tabooed, this was different than anything he thought of. Innocence; pure and sweet, and more emotionally fulfilling that his hormonal, frantic mind would have comprehended. Even now, he could barely understand.

"Tidus, what are you thinking about?" she asked casually, her fingers tracing the length of his arms, more gently than water. He looked into her sleepy eyes.

"Nothing," he lied quietly, kissing her forehead and pulling her up into him again. She yawned irreverently, and he couldn't help but laugh. Yuna made an indignant sound and started gently poking him in the sides. He squirmed and pitifully tried to suppress his laughter.

"I didn't know you were ticklish!" she exclaimed, sitting up and continuing to torture him. He wriggled, trying to dodge her touch, but his unstoppable laughter made it apparent that he was fighting a losing battle. In a spark of inspiration, he started tickling her back. She immediately convulsed in a fit of laughter, giving Tidus time to gain an advantage by sitting up. She had already fallen on her back and had her knees curled up to her chest in useless defense. Both of them were laughing insanely by this point, verging on breathless.

Tired, their laughter subsided, Tidus still leaning over the hopelessly defenseless Yuna. Her libs slowly uncurled, her arms lying carelessly to her sides, pinned down under him but completely comfortable with the thought. His hair fell softly across his face, his eyes staring straight past her eyes into untouchable places that only he could find. Her heart was racing, but no longer from the tickle fight. There was something beautiful and brutally honest in his eyes that half-scared her.

"I love you," the words were gently whispered, and couldn't have been more sincere. Slowly, tentatively, he lowered his face down to hers. Their lips pressed firmly together, sending a tidal wave of electricity through both of them. He slid his arms around her waist as her snaked around his neck. The kiss grew more passionate. Intense. Hot. She was pulled up close into him, nothing separating them except the seemingly flimsy fabric of her shirt. Although it was hard to keep composure, they meant it. The kind of honesty that was followed by pure bliss.

That was, until they were so rudely interrupted by a half-angry, half-urgent knock on the door.

"Yuna, what was all that noise?" Lulu demanded, her voice partially muffled through the door. Yuna looked up at Tidus, who was sitting fully upright again, before rolling out of bed and walking reluctantly towards the door.

'How on Spira am I going to pull this off?' she thought hopelessly, remembering that she had forgotten to think of what she was going to say to Lulu. In fact, it was totally beyond her how things would work. Lulu had such a tendency to be overprotective, things weren't looking good at all. Yuna sighed and held her breath, opening the door slowly.

"Good morning, Lulu," she said quietly, trying to look innocent. Yuna had never been a good liar, and her guilty eyes gave her away easily to Lulu, who knew her so well.

"You're hiding something," Lulu said expectantly, trying to push her way past Yuna, and into the room. Before she'd even gotten one foot through the door, Lulu's eyes fell onto the pile of clothes on the floor. "Yuna, what . . .?"

Yuna followed the path of Lulu's eyes and silently cursed Tidus for leaving his clothes there. "If I say it's a long story, you won't press the subject, right?" Yuna asked, half-defenselessly. It was hopeless to try to explain the situation. "It's really *not* what it looks like. . ."

Lulu walked purposefully forward, looking around the corner quietly. All she saw was the top of a blonde head and a shirtless body sitting up in the bed. Yuna, at Lulu's side now, winced in defeat.

Tidus laughed nervously and looked up to meet Lulu's death-glare. "Err. . . morning, Lulu."

Lulu, who had been ready to scold Yuna and the guy on the bed, was practically ready to fall over backwards. Her mouth opened and closed in disbelief, never making a sound. Tidus scratched the back of his head guiltily.

"Now I really want to know what all that was. And I should hope this is not at all what it looks like," Lulu regained her composure and glared expectantly from Tidus to Yuna, whose eyes were locked together. They smiled.

"Tickle fight," they said in unison, trying their hardest not to laugh.

Lulu was apparently eased out of her rigidness by this, but turned around sharply. "I would suggest you get a shirt on Tidus." She shut the door loudly behind her, leaving Tidus and Yuna in for a good laugh. Yuna crawled into bed again, laying her head down in Tidus' lap. 

"That went a lot better than expected," he sighed, the look on his face made it apparent that he was uncomfortable with run-ins with Lulu. Yuna couldn't help but smile. 

"It did. But she's right, we really do need to get dressed and do something with ourselves. With you here, chances are that we'll head back to Besaid today," she smiled up at him, lazily. He glanced over at the clock. It was almost 11, already, and they hadn't even opened the curtains. On second thought, it really didn't matter to him as long as she was near. Even if they only did have a week, they were going to make it the best week. Full of laziness, and cuddling, and kissing, and. . .

"Get out of bed, you two. Tidus, I have some clothes for you brudda. Come change while Yuna get's ready, ya?" Wakka knocked on the door and simultaneously called through it. Tidus rolled his eyes. . . so much for the lazy cuddling. Yuna sat up and kissed him quickly. 

"I'll see you in a little while, okay? I don't take long, really," she said quietly, walking him the short distance to the door. She opened it to an impatient Wakka, a smile lighting his face. He immediately enveloped Tidus in a silly bear hug and started laughing.

"It IS you. . . Welcome back brudda," Wakka's demeanor had an easy way of lifting Tidus's spirits. "I'll get him back to you real quick, ya? So you'd better hurry up." Wakka nodded at Yuna, who was standing cautiously inside the door. Tidus glanced at her, smiling.

"I'll be back in a minute," he said quietly, looking at her. Somehow she looked shy, but it didn't mean anything at the moment. Tidus was just happy to be back into the swing of thins. Yuna looked him straight in the eyes, smiling a little.

  
  


I'll be waiting." She kissed him quickly before watching him walk down the hall. She leaned against the doorway, arms folded, feeling more giddy than words could possible every explain. It was amazing to her that he was back, and there was nothing that could bring her back down to earth. She giggled a little, then ran into the room to make a mad dash at getting ready. Any moment apart was an eternity too long. 

* * *

After a lazy morning and a late lunch, they boarded a machina ship for a quick trip back to Besaid. The early afternoon sky was clear and hot, with nothing rushing them. A warm breeze and the smell of not-so-distant memories sweeping the sky, so lazy and beautiful. Tidus and Yuna basked in the feel of it, standing at the edge of the ship, watching the water slip away under them and the birds flying in uniform shapes across the summer sky. He held her from behind, smelling her hair, feeling her back against his chest. She couldn't remember a place where she'd felt so safe, so warm, so honestly wonderful than there in his arms, feeling him breathe into her back. She closed her eyes and smiled.

"What are you thinking about?" he whispered into her ear. She tried to think of a way to phrase the feeling she had, but failed. So she tried instead, to find the best words to let him know that she was happier than ever.

"I was just thinking. . . I never want to be farther away from you than this," Yuna replied quietly, turning her head to try and see him. He leaned his head onto her shoulder, and she looked back out to the sea. He squeezed her a little, and she giggled, feeling his breath on her ear, his heartbeat pounding into her skin.

"I love you," he loosened his grip to let her turn to face him. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him as close as he could possibly get, smiling and closing her eyes. She looked so content, so happy. He kissed her forehead, and traced lines down her arms with his hands until they held hers. He leaned his head down, their noses and foreheads touching. She looked straight into his eyes, smiling and biting her bottom lip.

"I love you, too," her voice was happy, and full of laughter. He kissed her quickly.

Wakka, Lulu, and Rikku watched them from some way down the length of the ship. Lulu smiled, seeing Yuna so honestly happy and less stressed out did her some good as well. She looked out to sea, now, focusing in on something that was too far away to see. 

"They're perfect together, ya?" Wakka said, voicing what all three of them were feeling as they watched the two, so giddy in the nearness of each other. Rikku sighed.

"It's all so romantic," she said dreamily, leaning forward off the edge of the bench and looking up at the sky. "I hope someone loves me like that someday."

Lulu looked at Rikku and smiled. Sometimes it was hard to understand what Rikku was really trying to say, but this was one of those times where Lulu knew exactly what she meant. Meanwhile, Wakka was on a different but similar train of thought.

"If someone loves you like that, make sure you fall in love with them, too."

Lulu thought for a moment, not quite sure what Wakka had meant by that. But she took it in stride, knowing herself that falling in love was a dangerous thing to do. Rikku tilted her head to the side, pondering. 

"Do you think it's really possible to make yourself fall in love with anyone?" she asked, looking at Wakka. He bit his lower lip.

"I don't know. Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't. But some people were just made for each other, and some have to work at it," Wakka folded his arms and looked again at Tidus and Yuna. "And those two sure don't have to work at it."

* * * *

A/N: I'm sorry about the wait. I have sooooo much going on right now that even I don't believe it. No promises on how quick the next chapter will be up, I'm having mental jet lag. Icky. I hate doing stuff at school, it sucks. I love you reviewers, I love you sooooo much. And thank you for your patience and not killing me for my eternal laziness. ^^. ((all reviewers go to heaven, and i can get you a ticket there))

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Nitemares and Premonitions

He woke suddenly, gasping for air much like he would have if he had been lying face down in water for a long period of time. Only instead of desperation, he was feeling the kind of exquisite torment that he had only felt once before. The kind of emotional pain that most people don't feel in their lifetime, no matter how long they live. The kind of anguish that comes from knowing you have to leave the person you live for.

He was sweating, cold, and ready to scream as loud and long as he could. But he didn't think that would help. He stood up, bare feet touching cold tile, sending some kind of solace shooting up to his head, which was pounding with premonition and memory. He looked back to his make-shift bed on the couch, something Lulu had insisted on. Couch or bed, he was happy to be in Yuna's house, knowing she was just up the stairs. 

Tidus walked through the dark hall, into the kitchen to get himself something to drink. After browsing the contents of the fridge, he decided to just go for some water. The faucet reminded him of his days in Zanarkand. He smiled a little, but realized even with water faucets and a city built of machina, he'd never had anything till he found himself with Yuna. Glass in hand, he walked up the stairs, shadow following tentatively behind him.

Her hair fell across her face, shadows hugging every curve and contour of her body. She was snuggled up to her pillow, her covers long since kicked to the foot of the bed. He quit breathing so he could hear the sound of her slow, steady breath. He had never been this sentimental before, but listening to her breathe made him feel better about the horrible nightmare he'd had. He drank the rest of his water before setting his glass down on her night stand. 

As he was pulling the pale blue covers around her, she stirred, and her eyes blinked slowly open. She stretched a little and smiled, but didn't move from where she lay.

"I always wake you up," he said, defeated, smiling at her anyway. She smiled, too, thinking how gorgeous he was, wearing the nighttime across his skin, shadows casting themselves on him like paint on canvas. Tidus took a seat on the edge of her bed.

"What are you doing awake? And don't tell me you were just thirsty," she said quietly, and yet her voice was stern and strong. She had always been independent like that, yet so easy to melt into. Soft, warm, inviting. She was like summer, Tidus thought for a moment, thinking how happy he would be to just live that single summer over and over and over again. He smiled.

"I just had a bad dream," he admitted sheepishly, running his fingers over one of her hands. He lifted it and kissed it softly, "You get back to sleep, and I'll go to bed now." He stood and kissed her forehead gently before turning to leave.

Before he could walk away, she grabbed his hand, firm enough to let him know she wanted him to stay. "Stay with me," the words were whispered, they came out a plea but sounded an immediate command to his senses. He would be more than happy to follow her every wish. And he knew there would be no contesting her will.

He folded back the covers and started to climb in, "Lulu's going to kill me." His voice was blunt, but she knew that he wouldn't have really wanted to leave anyway. Yuna couldn't help but smile.

"She can kill me, that way you go back in six days anyway, and I'll meet you there," she was a bit sarcastic, but the undertones in her voice screamed that she didn't want to be left alone again. He pulled her into him, and she reveled in the feeling of having his arms so close again. 

"When I was little and had a bad dream, my father would always let me sleep in his bed. It made me feel better," Yuna said quietly, her eyes closed. He kissed her forehead blindly, never opening his eyes.

"My mother would do that for me, or she'd sit in my room with me until I fell back to sleep," he breathed in deeply, letting the memories seep back into his head even though he had worked so hard to keep them out. "But it never felt as nice as this."

Yuna smiled, contented to there with him, and just to exist. Every second, it seemed, was perfect and wonderful. She pulled him closer, feeling his heartbeat pounding next to hers. That warm, soothing beating that made her feel more contented and glorious than she could ever describe. That pounding in his chest meant he was alive, he was living for her, living with her. 

"I love you," she said, quietly but not whispered. Boldly enough that he knew that she meant it with every part of her, but quiet enough to let him understand how special and almost sacred those words were to her. And though she had been scared at first that she wasn't whole when he wasn't around, it was comfortable to know that she was practically made for him. To know that he felt exactly the same way and have no traces or shadows of doubt roaming through her mind.

"I love you, too. If I was a poet, I'd tell you how much," Tidus said, the same tone in his voice. She could have cried, but instead she nestled right up to him and listened to him breathe for a moment.

"But I already know how much," she whispered, arms gently around his waist, breathing with him as if they were just one person who had somehow been horribly separated into two bodies. Tidus felt a tug at his heart, knowing they wouldn't have that many nights to feel something like this. Knowing that he'd have to leave her, hugging pillows close to her instead of his body. He felt her start to tremble a little, and instinctively knew she was crying.

"Yuna. . . please don't. . ." 

"I can't help it. Knowing you're going to leave again. I shouldn't have . . ."

"Don't say that. Yuna, look at me," he slithered his hand between her cheek and her pillow, nestling her face, cradling it with his fingers. She sniffled a little and opened her eyes, trying not to sob. She had to blink quickly a few times to keep the tears away, even though they were forcing themselves in front of her line of sight. Tidus didn't smile like he normally would have, but just looked at her. The kind of look that said more than any words could have, the kind of look that told her it hurt his heart to hear her cry. 

The exact same look that he'd given her in Macalania.

And then, true to form, he kissed her. Feeling his mouth pressed against hers, so warm and sweet and downright tantalizing, made her whole soul feel as if everything in the world was good and new again. Even if it was 1 A.M. and six days later she'd be lying in this same bed alone, for now it felt like there would be no better place to spend forever than just lying there, sharing their hearts. And just like he knew it would happen, she felt like there was no reason to cry anymore. 

He slowly pulled his mouth away, kissing her quickly on the mouth then on the forehead. She smiled, slightly biting her lower lip as though she was shy. Her face glowed again, just from the sheer wonder of his presence. Beautiful and crazy and warm and perfect. Having him next to her was the kind of miracle that millions of people dreamed of, and only she had. 

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, settling back down with her pulled close to him. She looked at him for a moment more, his eyes closed, his face tired and peaceful and so close. She kissed his unsuspecting lips quickly.

"Miracles," she whispered, setting a hand on his waist and looking at the way the moonlight fell across his face and hair and body. She closed her eyes then, and rolled a little closer into him, breathing in his scent and taking the feeling of his skin into her memory. She listened to the sound of his breathing, contented, as she fell asleep.

* * * *

Her eyes flickered open, feeling no pressure and being completely enveloped in the feeling of a lazy morning at home. The sun was already peeking in through the open windows, the morning breeze playing with the curtains, and the sound of children playing drifted to her. It smelled like summer, and summer hadn't felt so good for such a long time. Even as she noticed everything else, she had most of her attention focused toward the half-dressed vision of aesthetical goodness lying next to her. He was already awake, lying on his back looking lazily at the sky through her window. She yawned a little and placed one hand on his bare chest. He instinctively grabbed it, softly squeezing it as his head turned to focus his attention on her.

"Morning," he said quietly, sneaking his free arm around her back. She rolled onto her side, placing her head in that perfect spot between his shoulder and neck that seemed to have been made just for her to lay out. 

"Morning, Tidus," she answered, a smile on her face and in her voice. "Has Lulu been here to yell at you yet?" 

"Yep. She didn't yell, though. She just said something about a meeting today, with a teacher or something," he said, and it was clearly apparent that whatever Lulu had told him had gone in one ear and out the other. And Yuna couldn't help but love his cluelessness sometimes. Unfortunately, though, she knew what Lulu had been talking about, and she groaned, knowing that she had to get out of bed and leave Tidus for a little while. Business was business, Tidus or not.

"But I don't want to get out of bed," she whined jokingly, nestling her face into his skin as though she was trying to block out the day. Lulu, the master of perfect timing, walked in the door just then. She leaned against the doorframe, arms folded expectantly.

"But you know you have to," she said seriously, although her voice was a lot lighter and happier than it had been on the pilgrimage. There was something more than just a little bit different about Lulu, and it was becoming completely apparent to Tidus now. The way she dressed, the way she acted, the way she talked. She had definitely become a lot happier since the end of Sin. "By the way, Tidus, you're babysitting. Because the rest of us have meetings, and Wakka has blitz practice, I had to volunteer you." 

"What?!?" Tidus all but shouted, a bit dazed at the prospect of him taking care of children. Yuna laughed a little, hardly able to keep composure after seeing the look on his face. 

"Believe me, you weren't my first choice. One of the teenage girls who live down the street had volunteered, but she's sick, and I can't get a hold of anyone else. And considering she's a promising candidate for a teacher, I had to have be courteous enough to find someone to do it. You can handle it, right?" Lulu asked. She was also having a hard time trying not to laugh, seeing Tidus' less-than-positive reaction to the situation.

"Of course I can handle it!" he seemed a little insulted that she doubted his abilities. Lulu smiled slyly.

"I'd suggest you get ready, they'll be here in two hours," she chuckled as she turned and walked back down the stairs. Yuna giggled a little.

"Are you sure you can handle it?" she asked, trying not to be offensive, but her honesty was almost brutal. He sat up and looked down at her, his mouth open in disbelief. 

"You don't think I can!" Tidus was becoming more and more insulted with every second. Yuna just smiled, being careful of Tidus' man-ego and how fragile it seemed in her hands. She sat up and took advantage of his open mouth by kissing him quickly, then retreating to look him in the face.

"You never told me what your nightmare was about last night," she said, the subject popping up out of absolutely nowhere. He leaned back on his arms and closed his eyes for a second, looking so downright vulnerable as the dream came back to him in all of it's hideous completeness. Yuna just looked at him, as though searching his face for some kind of hint that words could never give away.

"You have to promise you won't think I don't want to be with you, because I do," he said sincerely, looking at her with a serious kind of glint in his eyes. Something felt seriously wrong, the way he looked at her, and something in her stomach fell and gave way to the horror that maybe this week wouldn't be the paradise she planned. Even through the oncoming threat of tears, she nodded in understanding. Because deep down inside she knew that he wouldn't leave if he could help it.

"In my dream, my dad was talking to me and he said that something happened. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but he was saying that someone got out of heaven and was going to try to hurt me. And someone else, but I didn't understand who," he looked at Yuna, straight in the face, as he spoke. He saw her pale, overwhelmed that he might have to leave before his week was over. "But it was just a dream, right?" he tried to comfort her, but he could tell it was going to take more than a few words, words that felt pale and hollow with premonition and warning.

She was biting her lower lip, struggling with the urge to cry. He grabbed her around the waist, pulling her up close to him, and kissed her shoulder and neck and cheek repeatedly before kissing her lips quickly and gently. 

"Whatever it was," he whispered, "let's not think about it for now."

* * * * * *

A/N: Once again, I'm sooooooo sorry for the wait. It will be at least a week and a half until the next chapter because I'm going out of town. I got a job and between school and everything else I have had NO TIME to write. I'll probably (hopefully) write lots while I'm gone though. And even if it *is* taking forever, I still love you all. Reviewers rule - in fact, if you review, I'll give you a country! A whole country all for yourself! But hurry, it's a limited time offer!


	9. Dancing Backwards, Trudging Forward

"You ready for this?" Yuna asked, cheerful as usual. They'd just laid in bed that morning for an hour and were paying the price for it now. Everything was being hurried now, and Yuna's hair was still a little damp since she hadn't had any time to dry it after spending a half-hour in the shower due to a hot water war with Tidus, who had hopped in the downstairs shower just in time to steal Yuna's water. Any other day she would have been a bit irritated, but she couldn't have stayed angry at Tidus for more than twenty minutes to save her life.

"Of course. . . not," he sounded more than a little defeated, but just decided to take whatever life threw at him. After all, at least it was life at all. Yuna looked up at him and smiled before returning to stuffing things in her seemingly bottomless bag. He shamelessly stared at her in amazement. She was everything to everyone, all at the same time. Most importantly, she was everything to him.

"Do I look okay?" she asked a bit nervously, seeing him staring at her. She smoothed the pearl colored fabric of her shirt and compulsively wiped at her black pants.

"Yeah. . . I was just staring because I think you're gorgeous," Tidus said, a little quietly. Lulu walked in just in time to hear, and smiled and shook her head. 

"Tidus, you really know how to flatter a woman. They teach you that in Zanarkand?"

Tidus laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. It was then he noticed Lulu holding something.

"Is that. . .?" he asked, not knowing whether to be hopeful or hopeless. Lulu smiled and handed the bundle off to him. He held the baby in his arms, a bit dazed but strangely happy with the tiny warm body now lying in his arms. Yuna moved the blanked away from it's chin to simultaneously get a better look and coo at it. For a brief second, Tidus wondered and saw a glimpse of what she'd be like as a mother. The thought would have him blush profusely if he were the blushing type.

Lulu had already headed out the front door and called a vacant "hurry up, let's go!" to Yuna, snapping her out of "mother Yuna" mode. She quickly kissed Tidus before grabbing her bag and rushing out the door.

"I'll be backing an hour!" she called before she shut the door a little harder than intended. He sighed and looked again at the child in his arms. It was apparently a girl, wrapped in a pink blanket, a tiny pink ribbon tied around the tiny wrist that was poking out of the blanket. He looked around the living room for a second, then crossed the hall into the kitchen. Something about her kitchen was soothing to him. Aqua floor tile and white cupboards and counters. He noticed a blue bag on the counter, a plastic bottle residing in a side pocket. He balanced the baby, resting it against his chest and on one arm. With his free hand, he looked through the bag to take inventory of what there was. He decided there was nothing too interesting to be found, and almost unconsciously started rocking the baby in his arms. And he quietly sang the only song his father had sung to him late at night after he thought Tidus had been long asleep. It was a song about a regular boy who became a hero, but more importantly, it was a song about dreams, and it always had told Tidus that he could be who or what ever he wanted to be.

* * * *

A half hour later than expected, and exhausted Yuna walked in though the doors. The newly appointed teacher had been immediately scheduled for a meeting with the other temple employees, so it looked like she and Tidus would get to play house with the baby for a few minutes. Much to her surprise, the lights in the house were off and it felt strangely abandoned. 

"Tidus?" she called his name into the echoic spaces of her own house. She looked in all the rooms downstairs, finding traces of him, but never actually finding him.

She pushed open the door to her own bedroom cautiously, using only one hand. With her caution and the help of new door hinges, he didn't hear her nor did he notice her figure standing in the doorway, watching his every move. She tilted her head to the side and smiled, seeing him looking into the face of the baby girl, holding her with one arm, feeding her with the other. She marveled at how much he's changed since her pilgrimage. He was sweeter, more gentle, less cocky. Angelic was the only word to describe him. Plain white t-shirt, blonde hair, and for a moment she practically saw wings. The look on his face was so pure and affectionate, she was almost lost.

'He'd be a wonderful father,' she thought with a smile. And then her heart skipped a beat as something inside of her added its own two cents. 'To our children.'

She shook her head, trying to shake the thought, then walked over and clambered onto the bed, sitting next to him, close enough to lean into his side.

"Back already?" he asked with a smile, and she just wanted to melt into him.

"I'm a half-hour late, and! We get her for a little while longer," Yuna said happily, running a finger down the baby's nose. "Now it's my turn."

She took the drowsy child into her arms and got comfortable, sitting between his slightly bent legs. Tidus then handed her the half-empty bottle and put his arms around her. She closed her eyes and leaned back into his chest.

"You make me want to be a mother," she groaned, a little tone of helplessness in her voice.

"Now that I can help you with," he said slyly, true to his nature as a man. 'So much for angelic,' she thought, enjoying the teased proposition nonetheless.

"Don't tempt me to act on that. I want you badly enough already, we don't need to bring sex into the picture," she said flatly, and they were both surprised at how that sentence had made it's way out.

"We'll find a way out of this, there has to be a way," he whispered so close he made the hairs on the back of her neck prick up. Then he kissed her neck, shortly, not like he would have done to any of the girls in Zanarkand. Just enough to let her know that no matter what he did, or how bad he messed up, he was madly in love with her and wanted her more than anything in the world. 

"Don't do that!" she said quietly, yet he knew she was yelling at him. But there was a tone in her voice that he had never heard there before, so he had to ask.

"Why not? What did I do wrong?" he was confused how one little kiss could make her so upset.

"I just know that I want you, and it's not right for me to have you," she said, and he recognized the tone in her voice now. Passion. Not the kind of passion that she had had for her pilgrimage, but the kind of passion she had for him. "I love you," she whispered.

"You know, I don't mean to. I don't want you to do anything for me that you wouldn't normally do, just because I'm leaving," he fastened his arms a little tighter around her and she smiled, feeling a little eased out of the tension she had just felt. "I want nothing more in life than a family with you."

She sighed and thought for a moment, trying to think of the best way to phrase what she was feeling. But there were no words that had ever been created that could come close to describing the complete and utter want she was going through. The indescribable need to have him near all the time, the way she felt incomplete just knowing that he was going to have to leave. She felt like crying again, but she'd wasted way too much time of this precious week on tears, so she took a deep breath.

"I'd be more than willing to give you that family," she whispered, completely relaxing her entire body and resting fully in his arms. She turned her eyes back to the now-sleeping child in her arms. They both watched her stir a bit, then settle back down in the comfort of Yuna's arms. 

"They'd have blue eyes," Yuna mused, almost chuckling. 

"Maybe one of them would have one green eye," Tidus said, kissing her cheek right by her ear. And for a moment they shared the same thought, the same vision, the same dream. Both of them sitting on the floor in the living room, three kids, happiness. But the one thing they were wishing for the most was to be together, to be Mommy and Daddy to someone. 

"I would hope they have your nose," Yuna laughed, and Tidus was brought back out of his momentary vision. The sentence then registered in his mind, and he laughed a little too. 

"I think you have a gorgeous nose, gorgeous just like the rest of you," he said, and although he sounded joking, he was completely honest in every word he said. 

"Okay, enough Mom and Dad, her mom's back to take her home," Lulu appeared in the doorway and made a gesture toward the baby. Yuna groaned in protest, but handed the baby over to Lulu anyway. She disappeared from sight and Yuna stayed there, in Tidus' arms.

"If we find a way to keep you here, you still have to propose the right way. Just because I want to bear your children and you know it, it doesn't mean you're off the hook," Yuna teased, looking up at his face, upside-down to her.

"Oh, I intend to do it the right way. You deserve it, you know," he said sincerely, she giggled. Not because it was funny, but because she didn't know how to react to a compliment so sweet and sincere, and thank you just didn't seem like enough.

"I want to spend forever with you," she whispered, smiling. The thought of having him near her, forever and ever and never to leave, was enough to make her happy. 

"Sounds good to me," he smiled, releasing his grip on her and standing up. She sat there still, and looked up at him, confused. He reached out his hand, and as she took it, he explained, "If we're going to find a way around this, I suggest we start looking for clues now. We've only got six days to find a way to reverse a contract and keep me here, right?"

Yuna smiled, not knowing what to think, but knowing whatever he had in mind had to be better than sitting in bed dreaming. "Okay."

"Let's start where you started," he smiled, pulling her out her bedroom door and starting down the stairs. 

"The library at the temple? What will be there?" she asked a bit skeptically, following him energetically anyways. They greeted the early afternoon sunlight happily, their linked hands swinging in between them.

"You never know, we could find something useful. Even if it doesn't benefit us immediately, it might do us some good later, right?" he suggested, and he smiled at her. Everything was light and airy and happy, and it felt so much better than her pilgrimage had. She wanted to kiss him, just thinking about how happy she had become. How happy that he, and only he, could make her. So she kissed him once, lightly, barely touching lips. She felt so giddy, it was almost as if she could fly.

"Whatever you want to do, I trust you," she smiled. They ran, bare-foot, as fast as their feet could possibly take them to the temple, still wondering what they could find there. 

Even though the afternoon sun was hot outside, the inside of the temple was still dim and cool, with remodeling still to be done. Yuna greeted the scholars and carvers as she giddily half-walked, half-ran with Tidus down the halls to where the library was now. He hadn't yet been inside the temple and was amazed with how things had changed in Spira. The same technology he had loved in Zanarkand, and learned to live without, was already popping up all over. And it had only been three months.

They stopped in the library, and Tidus looked around for a second in amazement. This was it, this was where everything started. This same temple was where he had seen Yuna for the first time, and it was also the same place where she started searching for him after he had gone. While he stood, looking around dumbfounded as if he was looking for some kind of answer or sign or revelation or something, she had already climbed the ladder and was pulling out books.

"Hey, are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come give me hand?" she partially demanded, and he snapped out of his dazed state. He looked at her and smiled a moment as what she said registered in his brain.

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking and got distracted," he explained, standing at the bottom of the ladder as she handed a few thick old books down to him. She returned to scanning the titles on the shelf.

"What were you thinking about?" she asked, not really expecting an answer. She had gotten used to him keeping secrets, but maybe he would be more open later. The question seemed to be: how much later would he have the luxury of saving it for?

"Us," he answered simply. She gave him a look of curiosity but asked nothing more of him. He knew her too well to be able to keep anything away from her now. Besides, if only for this week he would be more than happy to tell her anything she wanted to know. "Well, if you think about it, everything for us leads back to here. The first time we ever saw each other was here. The first clue for you to get me out of heaven was here."

"Is that why you think coming here would give us some answers?" she asked, but she wasn't mocking at all. In fact, to her it had seemed the logical thing to do as well, but had just brushed the thought off and decided to be content with a week.

"Yeah, I guess so," he said. She handed him another book and picked one final one off the shelf before starting to climb down. He set a the books in his arms on the table and pulled out a chair for Yuna to sit before sitting down himself. After being seated, Yuna flipped open a book and started reading. Tidus, who had never been much of a studier, had a harder time getting into the reading.

He lazily flipped open a book, then found himself immersed in something he hadn't seen in a long, long time. "Yuna, where did you get these books from?" he asked, and she couldn't quite tell what he was thinking from the tone in his voice.

"A traveling book merchant. She said they were valuable books," she replied, the tone in her voice asking 'why?' better than she could have. 

"These books, my mother had some like them. We had a library in my house back in Zanarkand, because she loved to read, and she would show me pictures like these, and tell me stories from them," there seemed to be somewhat of a revelation in his voice, like he was just figuring things out.

"You're saying they're fictional?" 

"No, I'm saying they're from Zanarkand. But I don't understand how, because my Zanarkand was destroyed over a thousand years ago," he looked at her, not sure if she would believe the kind of crazy thing he was suggesting. 

"What kind of things did she tell you? And do you remember from which book?" she didn't quite know what to think, but was definitely ready to believe practically anything. Anything for hope.

"There was a holy book, and it had a bunch of prophecies in it," he half-gasped, as though something that had never clicked before finally came together for the first time. "The book. . . it said Zanarkand was going to be destroyed!" He practically leapt from his chair, the realization of the prophecies was almost too much to be contained.

"We have to find that book!" Yuna half-shouted, almost ready to leap all over Tidus. Something inside of her said that there was something to believe.

Tidus was already two steps ahead of her, looking through the books on the table. He picked out one from the stack, his heart racing with premonition. "I think this is it!" the excitement in his voice couldn't be hidden. Yuna scooted her chair over to his, and Tidus was barely able to sit down, because some kind of enormous energy seemed to surge throughout his entire body, and he had butterflies in his stomach. It didn't seem real at all. But he sat, and Yuna took her position, cradled in his side like a child, close and warm and comfortable, one arm around his back, the other on the table. He started shuffling through pages like crazy, passing pictures and chapters and stories. Finally, he stopped, and for a moment she thought he was going to pass out.

"What's wrong?" she asked, seeing his face go pale. He turned his head slowly from the pages to look at her.

"These are her books. These are my mother's," he said quietly. She saw him point to a spot on the page in answer to her unspoken question. She leaned forward, over the table and looked on the corner. Written there, once in neat handwriting, and once in that of a child, was a word. One word.

Tidus.

Yuna's face then paled as well and she looked at him in amazement. The world she knew had crashed down on her once, and it was falling all over again. How would a book merchant be able to get thousand-year old books from a city that had been destroyed so long ago.

"My mother taught me to write my name, here," he said, and she sunk back into his side, finding some comfort there, as everything became chaotic and cloudy again. He continued, "she was reading in the kitchen like she always did. I was four, I think, and I had just come inside from playing. She was talking about me going to school, I think. So she set me on her knee and wrote my name on the book. Then she handed me her pen and told me to try."

They sat for a moment, amazed that in ten minutes everything had been turned around and instead of making any more sense, everything was just getting more and more confused. Maybe Zanarkand wasn't so far away or so long ago as it had always felt. Then some kind of realization hit Yuna. The book merchant who had sold her the books looked an awful lot like the lady from the bookstore in Luca. Well, the disappearing bookstore.

"Wait, Tidus. The lady at the bookstore in Luca, and the merchant lady, they were the same person. But. . . I don't understand how. The bookstore in Luca disappeared after I got the book from the old lady. And I'd never seen that merchant before and I know I'll never see her again," her voice was equally as amazed as his, and every second seemed to lead them on more and more of a chase after the truth.

"There is definitely more to this than it seems, there has to be. Either that or I'm going crazy," Tidus said, a little more calmly than he felt. She closed her eyes and breathed in deep as he put an arm around her back.

"At least we're going crazy together."

* * * * *

A/N : sorry about the wait, again. The trip was wonderful, I wrote *two* chapters while I was gone. The other one I'll put up on Monday or Tuesday, depending on how much I love you. But after that, I have lotsa work and school stuff to do. I'm so swamped . Anyways, I love all your reviews, keep them up! ^^

By the way, all of you reviewers of the last chapter. . . *poof* you know have a country to call your own. ^^


	10. A Language Beyond Speaking

Evening had just set in, the shades of purple and blue and pink and orange bleeding all over the sky as though the sun had been shot. Such a violent sunset, over mixed feelings, but no one was taking the time to look at the sky, even though they were all sitting at their windows wondering if life was going to get easier or harder. For Yuna, who was sitting on a stool in her kitchen, things weren't seeming to make any more sense. In fact, as she and Tidus told Lulu everything, starting from the beginning with Yuna's wild chase after the key to heaven, skimmed through the reunion and the past two days, then went back into detail with the finding of the books and Yuna's realization of the book ladies. Lulu had sat patiently listening for almost an hour, not making any more sense out of things then they had.

"So you're sure they were the same person?" Lulu asked, not really knowing what to make out of the whole situation. She was also unsure what to think of Yuna, going against her entire character by hiding things from her. 'If that's what she's willing to do for love. . . oh, I wish it wasn't just for a week. How is she going to live through this?' she thought sympathetically, and her entire heart was almost wracked, and she didn't even begin to understand what Yuna was feeling.

"Yeah, I'm sure. She has to have something to do with this. She has to have the answer!" Yuna stated desperately, and Lulu pretended not to notice the pained look Tidus was shooting in Yuna's direction. It was the kind of look that she knew the emotion, but had never felt that magnitude of despair before. The look that proved, more than any of his words ever could have, that he loved her more than life itself but wanted to live for her. 

"I'm sorry, Yuna, but I really don't know how to help you. For the first time, I'm drawing a blank," Lulu replied, the look on her face hopeless, but nowhere near as hopeless as she felt. Yuna could have screamed out the sheer frustration. They were getting nowhere, and she was feeling more than a little rushed. Tidus reached over and squeezed her hand, but it failed to make her feel much better.

"I need to get home now, but I'll be back in the morning to bring you the reports and the briefing from our meeting this afternoon. I'll try as hard as I can to figure this out. I'll see what I can find. Oh, and Tidus, you're staying on the couch tonight no matter how much Yuna begs," Lulu shot the whole thing out nonchalantly as if it wasn't practically a death sentence to the both of them. She hated to have to separate them, but the desperation on both of their parts could play into something much worse. She trusted them, yes, but not that much.

Tidus sighed. "Yes ma'am." He hadn't meant to be sarcastic, but sometimes it was hard not to be. Lulu smiled at them briefly before grabbing her bag and walking quickly out the door with a quiet "good night."

Tidus looked over at Yuna, still holding her hand. The half-warmth of the kitchen wasn't comforting to him at all right now, feeling as hopeless as ever. The chase and the recognition of his mother's books wore weary on his mind, not to mention the fact that he couldn't hold Yuna to make her feel better. And from the look on her face, she needed to feel better.

Neither of them said anything. The house was so quiet that they could hear the lapping of the ocean waves through her open windows. The silence between them was so loud it was verging on unbearable. But Yuna had promised herself that she wouldn't cry, and she was determined to keep that promise. 

Tidus slammed his fist down on the counter, making a frustrated noise in his throat before giving way to half-sobs. Yuna watched, almost in horror, realizing that the reassuring hand that had held hers was the one that had angrily beat on her counter. She didn't know what to say, or what to do for the moment, except just sit there and watch him cry. She stood tentatively, still not sure if anything she could do would help. 

She'd seen him cry once before, but it was nothing like this hopeless sobbing. Anything was worth a try, so she locked her arms around his waist, resting her cheek on his back and listening to his heartbeat and breathing. He stopped sobbing and tried to look at her, confused, but he couldn't see. So he closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of her arms around him, moving hardly at all and relishing in the feel of having her so near.

"I don't blame you for crying," she said quietly, not moving, her voice barely a whisper.

"I didn't mean to. . . I'm sorry. I should try to be better than that, you need someone to be strong for you. You don't have the time or energy to deal with me right now. I should be the strong one," he apologized, hushed, tears still in his voice. She breathed in deep, and he could feel her chest move into his back. His nerves seemed to be excessively alert everywhere she was touching him. It was comforting to have her so close. 

"I'd rather only have you. I wouldn't care if you cried every day and I had to stand here and hold you until you felt better. I'd rather have you," she was on the verge of tears, even though she didn't want to cry. She couldn't help the way her voice was shrinking and her eyes were burning with the sharp hint of tears. There was a flood waiting in her heart, and even thinking about him leaving was ready to set it free.

"You already have me," he whispered, turning around on his stool. She let go of him and stepped back unconsciously as he turned. He stood and looked at her, and for a moment he could almost see what had happened to her since he'd been gone. Instead of being built and modernized and improved like Spira, she looked almost like a child that had been left standing in the rain, praying for someone to come find her and take her home. Only she hadn't realized how lost she was until now.

He took her into his arms, pulling her close and crying even more. Nothing could help him escape from the guilt he felt. Even though he knew he couldn't help it the first time, he knew that he had to make things right, because she couldn't live this way. Immersing herself in work, putting on her fake plastic smile the way she had done for Spira her entire life. After she'd done so much already she deserved a little happiness.

It was all she could do to keep herself from bawling, seeing him crumble like that in her arms. But she held him so close, stroking his hair and trying to make him stop crying or she feared that she might break, too. His hot tears kept being pressed from his cheek to hers, and there was nothing more that she could do to make him feel better, so she just held him and rocked him almost like a child.

After a minute or two, his crying subsided and he kissed her cheek and neck over and over again. She moved her face in the way and their lips collided hard. He smiled, pulling away to look at her, studying her face sweetly. His cheeks were tear-stained, his eyes a little red from the sudden outburst of tears, but he was just as gorgeous to her as he ever could be. 

"I never want to leave you, you know. You mean more to me than anything," he said quietly, looking her straight in the face and smiling. He ran his fingers up and down her back as she leaned forward into his chest, breathing in deeply.

"I love you so much," she whispered, her heart almost skipping a beat with the fullness of it. She understood, for the first time, exactly what love was. Making herself completely vulnerable, helpless against what he would do, but she trusted him that he would catch her, that he wouldn't let her fall. 

"You look tired," he said quietly, stroking her hair as she stayed still. She just held him close and listened to his breathing, feeling his movement in and out, pressing against her chest. 

"I don't want to move," she said after a few moments of contemplated silence. In all honesty, he didn't want to be separated from her, but he knew there was no way around Lulu. Knowing her, she'd be in at midnight to check on them. So tonight he would sleep on the couch, even if he couldn't sleep at all.

He loosed his grip on her, but she desperately kept her arms around his neck in a silent plea to stay like this, to stay near each other. By now, the night sky had faded from it's bright colors to velvet blue, dotted with white stars and a sliver of a moon hanging like a necklace chain over the water. The night was quiet.

Tidus picked Yuna up like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold, and she didn't even have to move at all. Her head still at his chest, arms around his neck. She didn't have to ask what he was doing, as he moved up the stairs and into the semi-darkness of her room. He kept her balanced with one arm, much to her amazement, and folded down the corner of her sheets. He then placed her in her bed gently, and she reluctantly loosed her arms from around his neck. He pulled the covers up around her body, and kissed her on the lips gently then on the forehead. She smiled.

"You're tucking me in," she said with a laugh in her voice. In all truthfulness, even though she hadn't been tucked in since she was about six years old, there was something strangely comforting and possibly even sexy about the way Tidus was making sure she was warm and safe and comfortable.

"Sweet dreams, Yuna," he whispered, kissing her long and sweet and warm. She smiled uncontrollably, unable to keep her teeth from showing. He turned to walk out the door and turned to look at her again as he turned off the light.

"Sweet dreams, Tidus," she said, just loudly enough for him to hear. He closed her door and headed for his bed on the couch, even though he knew that there would be little to no sleep for him tonight. He didn't feel the same without going to sleep with Yuna in his arms. Only five days left, and she couldn't be near tonight.

* * * *

An hour passed, and she still lay, staring at the ceiling in a hopeless effort to bore herself to sleep. As tired as she was, she couldn't coax herself into the grasp of sleep's arms. She tossed and turned, the darkness and warmth of her room seemed to hold sleep out instead of ushering it in. Knowing he was downstairs, so close, she couldn't just stay where she was. 

She climbed out of bed and pulled the comforter off, dragging it behind her like a child would as she walked down the hall and then down the stairs. The room was dark, but not silent. She heard Tidus tossing and turning on the couch, too. He was feeling exactly the same way she was, but Lulu had banished him to the couch and there was nothing he could do about it. Yuna stood in the doorway of the living room for a minute, watching him breathe, his bare back turned to her. She couldn't help but stare.

Finally, he noticed her presence in the doorway, standing with the posture of a shy child who was seeking admittance to sleep in her parents bed. He groaned tiredly and stretched, and she knew immediately that he hadn't slept at all.

"What are you doing in here? You should be sleeping," he said sympathetically, sitting up and leaning back on his arms.

"I can't sleep," she admitted sheepishly. The shadows across her face and the softness of her voice making her seem even more innocent and vulnerable then she had before. He hated to admit it, but her voice always made the whole world seem like everything was fine.

"Me neither," he chuckled, tilting his head to the side and studying her, the curves of her body. He let his eyes wander, and she would never notice in the dark, so the only reprimand he would receive would be his own. She walked over to him, still dragging her comforter behind her.

"Can I sleep with you?" she asked childishly as she made her way to him across the shadow-strewn floor. His mind was jerked out of it's self-created thoughts, and into her accidental suggestion.

"What?!?" he asked shortly and sharply. She laughed.

"Not like that. . . I just think it would be easier to get to sleep if I could. . ." she whispered. He laid back and reached his arms out, and she climbed on top of him, laying her chest on his stomach, her head on his chest, and her legs curled slightly to the side of his. She pulled her comforter around them and he helped to position it comfortably around them before putting his arms around her.

"Are you going to get in trouble for me again?" he asked quietly, squeezing her close for a second. She smiled, even though he couldn't see.

"Even if I do, you kept your end of the deal. She only said you had to sleep on the couch. And unless this isn't a couch, you have nothing to worry about," Yuna teased, snuggling close to his side. 

"Have you always been this sneaky?" he asked, half-sarcastically, half in disbelief.

"I started getting this way when I met you," she giggled. He made an *ugh* noise in protest, but she just smiled. "What do you think is going on with all this?"

Tidus immediately knew what she was talking about, but he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to talk about it. His childhood was generally a period in his life that he had wanted to forget. He knew there was no love in those memories, but again he knew the only love he would ever need was lying in his arms at that very moment. So he spoke. "I think someone wants us together, and I think something else doesn't want that. It seems too easy if everything was just working for us, you know?"

Truthfully, Yuna had been feeling the same way, but she had quickly decided to let the thoughts fall, because it was easier just to hope that she had suffered enough and someone was granting her a little peace and happiness. But that would make life much too simple. Instead of voicing it, though, she asked. "Why do you think that?"

"Doesn't it seem too easy to you? You just follow these crazy old ladies and *wham*, you're standing in front of the gate to heaven with little price to pay to open them and let someone out. Maybe I'm being cynical," he said, finishing his comments a little dejectedly. She looked up at him, not thinking that he was wrong or crazy at all. Just rational. And for a minute she let her mind wander. Who cared about a silly old gate, anyway? He was here wasn't he? But of course there was something different about the way he used his words, the way his sincerity was as honest as before but he was so pure that it startling. She had always wondered things about his past, but now that he was back, she didn't have to wonder. Maybe she was just grateful for the chance.

"Maybe. ." she let her voice trail in the air, as she looked at him with a questioning expression. He met her expression, questioning back with his eyes. "What is heaven like?"

He had always known the question would come, it was just a matter of time. So he took a deep breath and told her almost everything he knew. About spending time with those you loved, even though you hadn't known them when you alive, you knew them before. And he told her how everyone was so good, and so wonderful, and how even Seymour was patient and pure. He filled her mind with images of heaven, and with the feelings there. But there was one thing always missing, he said. He missed her more with every passing day. 

Silence fell. She yawned and there was an unspoken agreement that it was time to stop talking and thinking, it was time to sleep. She nestled into him, closing her eyes and groaning a little with sleepiness. "I love you," she said quietly, taking the hand that was resting around her back and kissing it before letting it rest on her shoulder. 

"I love you, too," he whispered, and kissed her on the forehead, as was his habit before he fell asleep. He felt wonderful, lying so near to her. There was nothing anyone could have said to convince him that there was anything better in the world than that moment, quiet and peaceful. She breathed calmly, his heartbeat like a lullaby in her ears, singing her to sleep with the memory of today and the promise of tomorrow.

She just wished she had a forever of tomorrows that were hers.

* * * * *

A/N: My chapters are getting longer. I'm squeezing in plot. Wow. . . I'm so amazing to myself sometimes. Anyways, thank you my lovely and faithful reviewers. I love you so much. Oh, and, i think there will be more plot in the chapters to come. Lots more, with any luck. All lovely, positive or constructively criticizing reviewers go to heaven! ^^ I love you! 


	11. iloveyou

Morning came sooner than he had expected or hoped. Light poured in through the large living room windows, dancing on the floor in calm waves, no resistance. Yuna's light blue comforter had long since been kicked off onto the white carpet because of the unending summer night heat of Besaid. Tidus smiled down at Yuna who had calmly been blinking up at him for about ten minutes. She never tired of looking at him, especially in the morning.

"Has Lulu been around yet?" Tidus asked mischievously, as though daring her to say something. Yuna laughed quietly.

"Yes, she was kind enough to read the conference notes to me while I was still lying here. She barely commented on me being down here. I think she understands where we're coming from," Yuna answered, her voice still a little groggy. She closed her eyes and snuggled into Tidus's bare chest.

"I understand, but I want words with Tidus, not you," Lulu teased, appearing in the doorway with a glass of what he presumed was orange juice in her hands. Tidus laughed nervously, not knowing what to think.

"It wasn't my fault, I swear," he said defensively. He then smiled and hugged Yuna even closer to him, "Not that I mind getting in trouble for her, anyway."

"I give up on keeping you two apart," she said, apparently exasperated. Yuna giggled, opening her eyes to see the terribly frustrated look on Lulu's face. 

"Good, now we don't have to waste our time trying to convince you to let us spend our nights together," Yuna said teasingly, sticking her tongue out at Lulu. And as Tidus watched them tease each other for the next few minutes, he realized more that had happened. Not only had Lulu eased out of being so serious, she had forced herself to for Yuna's sake. Because she couldn't talk to Wakka like she could talk to Lulu, and she needed someone to be happy and light and carefree for her. Someone like Tidus. 

Somewhere under all that teasing surface, Lulu was still seriously concerned, although somewhere under that serious surface, there had been a silly Lulu who had wanted nothing more than this. She would have found her balance, somewhere in there, if Tidus hadn't left. So for the first time, he realized that his leaving had affected other people in a way that he never had thought it could or had ever meant it to be. 

Lulu smiled at Tidus, then gave him a look, almost as if she knew what he was thinking. And the look said, clearer than words ever could, that she wanted him to find a way out of this and be able to stay with Yuna until her dying day. And Tidus tried to say, without words, that he promised to do his best. His meaning came out as him holding her a little tighter and kissing the top of her head. Lulu understood, and walked away with a good-bye and a promise to be back later.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Tidus asked nonchalantly. She was still curled at his side, her head on his shoulder, her hand lying lazily on his chest. He didn't know she was listening to the steady sound of his breathing, feeling the rising and falling of his chest under her hand. It was comforting and relaxing to know that he was living, that he was breathing. 

"I want to stay right here," she said quietly, breathing in deep, but not opening her eyes. He smiled down at her, but she didn't open her eyes.

"But that's not going to get us anywhere, and we only have 4 more days," he felt her flinch, not wanting to hear him say that they didn't have forever. He was immediately sorry, but there were some times that you couldn't hide from the truth. That was one of those times. "We have to do something."

Yuna, defeated, knew that he was right. Laying in bed, however comfortable, would never get them anywhere. She sighed in her anguish and defeat, wishing that love alone could make him stay. Heaven knew that if it were enough, she'd have plenty to make him stay for eternity. "You're right."

"Of course I am! Now let's get out of bed. . . .err. . . couch," he said playfully, rolling off the couch. She immediately felt cold and empty, the warmth of his body taken away from her so quickly. She tried to brush it off, but knew that it would be a hundred times worse to have him leave again. She giggled, then, and sprawled out on the narrow couch, a limb or two hanging off the side. 

Tidus immediately grabbed her rather cold foot and started tickling the bottom of it. Compulsively, she kicked his hands away as she giggled defenselessly.

"Let's not start that again," she said playfully, hanging her head off the side of the couch so she could see him. 

"Then get out of bed!" 

"No!" she protested teasingly, sticking her tongue out shortly. 

"Don't stick that tongue out at me unless you intend to use it," he threatened, pointing a finger up at her. She stuck it out again, and he took it as an immediate opportunity to kiss her. Not long, but sweet. She giggled as he pulled away. "Now get up, and I mean it!"

Yuna rolled over so he couldn't see her, so he immediately jumped to his feet. He looked down at her for a moment, she had her back turned to him, her face buried in the couch. He then picked her up and slung her carefully over his shoulder, turning to walk out of the room. 

"Tidus, you put me down right now! I mean it!" she yelled, trying to kick her feet. It was useless, as he was so much stronger than she was. She started whimpering helplessly as he headed for the front door.

"Well, you didn't want to get out of bed. It was your choice," he said patronizingly. She was amazed at the tone he was using, and she looked at the back of his head, practically glaring.

"Are you my father, or the guy I'm supposed to be in love with?" she asked, amazed. He smiled, and opened the front door, stepping out into the sunlight.

"Your choice," he laughed, and she began to struggle again, noticing that they were outside now. 

"Put me down, this is embarrassing!" she half-squealed. Tidus ignored her plea and kept walking. "Where are you taking me anyway?" she asked, unable to really tell where he was headed. 

"Somewhere," he commented dryly. Suddenly she noticed that they were getting closer to the water.

"Tidus. . .you're not going to. . ."

"I feel like swimming," she could hear the laughter in his voice, even though he was trying to mask it. He stepped into the warm water, walking deeper into it. She felt her toes take the plunge, and clung to his bare upper body like a parasite. He pulled her into him, and let her body slide down, so they were face to face.

"Tidus, I don't want to," she whined, and he just smiled and pecked her quickly on the lips. Then he secured one arm carefully around her waist.

"Hold your breath," he said quickly, then drew in air and went under water, her still attached to his side.

They emerged, and Yuna was breathless, dripping wet, and more than a little upset. She flailed and tried to splash the already-soaking Tidus. He laughed and let go of her, splashing back. She then realized what she was doing and let her arms drop, laughing harder than she'd laughed in a very long time. He too, stopped splashing, just to smile and watch her laugh. But her laughter subsided, and they stood there looking at each other. He smiled.

She felt like crying. 

Tidus studied Yuna's face for a while, trying to read what she was thinking, but found himself unable to. In a moment she had gone from laughing, to what seemed like hopeless. And all he could do was take a few steps closer to her, and put his hands on her waist. She looked up at him, studying his eyes. 

"It's okay to cry," he whispered, reading the look on her face finally. But she set her face in a determined way to shield her vulnerability from his eyes. 

"No it's not. I have you, what do I have to cry about?" she asked frankly, but he knew she felt a deep kind of desperation that he also held inside. The fear of losing each other, and that's what it was all about. They just wanted to reach out their arms and cling to each other, blindly, because that's what their hearts said. She knew he wanted to find a way around this and live for her and only her. And he knew that she'd die just to be with him. 

"You know what you have to cry about. Yuna, I love you, and I never want to leave you. You know that, right?" he took her face in his hands, and studied her eyes. Everything in her reflected that very thing that he had just spoken.

She looked up at him, tears ready to fall, but her promise to herself wouldn't allow her to. His hands went instinctively to her waist, the water from his hair dripping into his smiling eyes. His expression changed to concern, and he looked much like he had in Macalania, but his hands were bare and soft on her waist, his upper half naked and glistening. She couldn't help but grin.

"You're going to kiss me, aren't you?" she asked, half sarcastic, but fully in anticipation. She loved the way his kisses made her feel; warm, and content, and special. And loved. 

"You know it," he replied. But in spite of his teasing tone, he leaned his head forward and she instinctively lifter her chin and tilted her head. As always, she felt reassured and wasn't thinking of anything but him. And that was the one thought that never failed to make her undeniably happy. 

As naturally as the kiss began, it ended, and she looked up again into his eyes. And he didn't have to say anything to reassure her that he wanted to be near her forever. He wanted to kiss her awake every morning, and kiss her asleep every night. She could see in his eyes that their life wouldn't have to be spectacular, as long as it was a life. He had found the one thing most worth living for, and he couldn't bear the thought of not being alive to cherish it. And that was the thought that scared her.

"Hey, want to go look for a way out of my dumb mistake of a contract with what's-her-name?" Yuna asked casually, wrapping an arm around his lower back as they started walking, dripping, toward the shore.

"Don't you think we should get dressed or something first?" they continued walking back towards Yuna's house. She chuckled.

"Yeah, maybe. I don't want everyone to see your gorgeous half-naked body. That's a secret I'm willing to keep," she laughed. It became very apparent, again, at that moment just how much she'd changed. Something inside of her had clicked after her pilgrimage. She was more willing to laugh. But he hoped that that trait would last longer than just for this short week that they had together.

* * * *

An hour or so later, Tidus and Yuna were back in the temple, going through volumes of old books. The old books that so presumably belonged to Tidus' mother. While Yuna was hungrily searching for a way to keep Tidus, Tidus' mind was more preoccupied with the thought of how and why the books had found their way into his hands again. It was hard to concentrate anymore.

"Tidus, what's wrong?" her eyes were concerned as he snapped out of his half-daze. He was immediately apologetic for not being as dedicated to the search as he should have been. For that moment though, he tried to find an answer to her question.

"I just don't understand why this is all connected, or how. All I know is that it is, and it's bugging me. Someone could have us set up, you know?" he said earnestly, not taking his eyes off of her.

"Tidus, you yourself had some part in a little divine intervention. You never know what kind of forms that can take, do you?" despite her logic, he had a bad feeling about it. Something just wasn't right. The books were from Zanarkand, they should have been destroyed, and he knew it. Everything made him nostalgic.

He just smiled and shook his head, but she knew it wasn't helping. So she continued to flip through pages, looking for something she knew wouldn't be there. She felt like she was looking for shoopuf's under the bed. They both had the same premonition, and there was nothing they could do.

He looked back to the pages of the book in his hands, knowing he wouldn't find anything. She, sitting opposite him at the table, also looked hopelessly through the book in front of her. In the silence of the temple, his breath seemed to echo. It was a miracle to her. He was a miracle to her.

"Tidus?" her voice was hardly more than a whisper.

"Hmm?" he didn't look up from his book. Neither did she.

"I love you," there was a twinge of pain in the tone of her voice. 

"I love you, too," he said softly. They couldn't look each other in the eyes, because both of them were ashamed of the tears beginning to grow there. Because they both knew there was no way around it, except through a miracle. And they had already received too many miracles to expect any more. 

So just for then, I love you was all they had.

* * * * * *

A/n: OH MY GOSH, i am SOOOOOO sorry about the wait on that one. That was uncharacteristically long for such a short chapter. Now I need opinions. . . Should I write the next few days of fluff in their completion, or should I just get to the next part of the plot and get to the good stuff? Not that it matters anyways. . . I'll do what I want. I love you guys for being so darn patient with me. Once again, I'm sorry for the wait and all reviewers go to heaven ^^ 

  
  



	12. Wonderland

"Yuna, you can't let Tidus come back. You have to keep him there, with you," that voice, so familiar, was speaking the words she so desperately wanted to hear. But there was something wrong. She couldn't see faces, but could barely make out distinct voices. Her father, Auron, and Jecht. It sounded like they were . . . fighting? But with who?

"Don't let him come back. Nothing good can happen. . ."

* *

Yuna woke up, jolting up in bed with her whole body covered in a cold sweat. Vague as it was, the dream had scared her mercilessly. Nothing was clear and everything hurt, even the demand that Tidus was supposed to stay. She wanted to brush it off as nothing more than her mind playing dirty tricks on her, but she knew better than to deny her nightmares the respect and heed they deserved. Much to her surprise and horror, she began to cry.

Hot tears streamed down her face, and she lifted her hand to her mouth. She felt weak and helpless, no longer able to hold in the tears that had threatened to plague her. She looked at the clock between the blur of her tears, and saw that she had just about 24 hours left until something had to happen. He would stay or he would go, and that would be the end of this week. That would be the end of her.

As if in an answer to the summon of her thoughts, she felt his hand on her waist, slowly moving up to her shoulder. He gently pulled her down to lay with him. She faced him, but closed her eyes in shame and tried to brush away her tears, but he held her wrists. He knew what was wrong, he could tell without even looking into her eyes.

"Don't be ashamed. Yuna, look at me," he said, his voice weak and strong, harsh and soft. She opened her eyes and looked into his face. He was so beautiful, she thought, lying in the middle of the blankets and pillows, the light of the waning moon spilling through her windows and onto his body. It was a picture she wanted to see every night. 

"I had a nightmare," she said sheepishly, and he loosed her wrists from his grasp, wiping away her tears with his hands. 

"What was it about? What did you see?" She sat up and took a deep breath, unable to think of what to say. She leaned on her hands and looked to the ceiling, sighing and trying to think of something to excuse herself.

"Can we not think about it now?"

"Yuna, if not now, then when? We can't run from this forever," he sat up as well, sitting cross-legged and slouching over, his hands intertwined together. He looked over at her. She knew he was right, and didn't even search his eyes for a way out.

"There's something wrong. They told me not to let you go back. I heard your father, and my father, and Auron. I think they were fighting. It was loud and blurry and hectic. And I have a bad feeling about it," she said. It was a short explanation, but there really wasn't more that she could say. 

"We have to do something," he replied thoughtfully. She knew what he had in mind, and it was typical of him to do exactly the opposite of what he was told to do. She pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them to her body. He looked at her, so vulnerable and innocent, sitting with her bare limbs and her glistening, tired eyes. And he just looked at how beautiful she was, and couldn't help but feel his heart ache because he loved her so much that it hurt. And in that moment, he could have cried, realizing with full weight that he would be leaving his Yuna, his world, behind him to bury herself in a river of tears. 

"Don't leave until you have to," her voice was weak and quiet, she felt ready to die with the weight of the loss and she hadn't even lost him yet. She closed her eyes and tears quietly trickled out of the corners of her eyes, falling down her cheek in silent cascades. "I need you."

He turned to her, getting up onto his knees and taking her face in his hands. Leaning down, he kissed below one eye, and then the other. She looked up at him, her heart pounding. She loved him so much that her entire being was engulfed in the feeling. She didn't know who to be without him. "Tidus. . ." she whispered, the sound barely loud enough for his ears to hear.

His eyes observed her face, then posed the silent question. She understood immediately, wondering how magic like this could work it's way in so quietly. He was a miracle. She smiled and nodded a little, and he touched his nose to hers gently, leaving her open-hearted and open-mouthed. His mouth touched hers, gently, warmly, patiently, as she laid back slowly, his hand behind her head, his warmth all around her. 

* * * *

Lulu had seen it coming a mile away, and now that she saw them together, she wondered why she had tried to fight it. It was morning, as she looked in on the sleeping couple she knew that it would practically be a crime to wake Yuna. Moments like these were far too precious. So she closed the door quietly, left the important papers and a note to Yuna on the kitchen table, and showed herself out.

About a half hour later, Yuna awoke and stretched, not knowing what to do but just lie there and smile. She thought about getting dressed, but she didn't want to move from her spot. It was warm and comfortable where she was, even if she was mostly naked. She rolled back over to face him, and curled her face up close to his chest. He breathed in deep and pulled his arms around her, apparently awake. He smiled down at her. 

"You never put your shirt back on," he smirked. She smirked back.

"Neither did you," she retorted.

"I have nothing to hide," he said. For a moment she couldn't think of anything to say, but quickly smiled.

"I have nothing to hide from you," she said sincerely. He kissed her lightly. 

"I'm hungry," he said, whining a little. She rolled her eyes at his typical maleness, then realized she was hungry, too. She sat up, holding the blanket over her chest, pondering a moment.

"I wonder if Lulu's been?" she asked, although she knew that Tidus couldn't answer the question. He sat up, then leaned over the bed and handed Yuna her shirt. She quickly put it on and crawled out of bed, Tidus trailing behind.

"I hope you don't expect me to cook," she said, walking down the stairs and into the white kitchen. 

"Why not?" Tidus asked blankly.

Yuna spotted the papers and read the note from Lulu, blushing a little, then folded the note in half and turned to Tidus, "I don't cook. And Lulu has been."

Tidus was a little nervous, even if he only had today left, she could make his life hell for that one day. "Err. . . what did she have to say?" 

"Nothing to you," she replied sheepishly, opening the fridge. He stood behind her, looking in over her shoulder. She grabbed the orange juice and looked in a cupboard for the bread, taking a slice and eating it with one hand while she got a glass and poured the juice with the other. Tidus grabbed a slice, as well, and followed her as she sat down at the kitchen table. Her face had a half-hurt expression that shouted that she was confused. He looked at her carefully.

"What are you thinking about?" part of him was worried that she regretted last night, but part of him knew that she couldn't. She looked at him, tears beginning to force their way to her eyes.

"What if something happens? What if. . .?" she closed her eyes and breathed out slowly, shakily. Her question, left unasked, was obvious enough. What if he wasn't going to be there at that gate waiting for her when she died? It was a touchy subject, and he knew that it was better left unasked about. 

"I'll be fine," he said, comfortingly. He placed one of his hands on her knee, and she placed one of her own on top of it, squeezing her fingers. 

"There's something wrong, Tidus. Something's going on, something terrible. You dreamed it, so did I. You know it, don't you?" she looked at him expectantly.

"I can't just do nothing," he said, his teeth gritted, but his eyes glistening. Her lip quivered and tears began to spill down her cheeks. She felt so helpless, so alone. He needed to stay and he wouldn't take the chance.

"You've done enough," her voice shook terribly, but he could tell there was more than just hurt. She was a little angry, whether at him or at herself, he couldn't tell. "Stay with me," she whispered desperately. He took her hands in his and kissed her. For a moment, she seemed to melt, until she pulled away. "Kissing me won't make it better."

"Yuna, I don't know what else to do," his eyes were sincere, and his eyes still looked like they were threatening tears. He was still holding her hands, which were comfortably resting on his knees, her arms were straights and seemed tense. 

"Promise you'll stay with me," her body relaxed, and she seemed so vulnerable. Something was less calm then usual, and he wanted to promise her the world. But that was something that he couldn't do.

"I can't," he was desperate, ready to scream because he was so frustrated and he couldn't make her see that even though he couldn't stay, he loved her more than even he could possibly understand. 

"I don't care if you can't stay, I don't care!" she yelled, pulling her hands away and standing up defensively. "I just want to hear you say it," her voice became quiet, and her eyes started streaming tears. He stayed sitting, but put his hands on her waist and looked up at her. 

"I won't make a promise that I can't keep. But you have my promise that I will do everything I can. I can't promise you anything, but I want to. I want to be able to promise you everything you want and more. But I can't," he stood then, and hugged her close into him, then kissed her. She noticed, now, the way he didn't hesitate to pull her closer. The way he kissed her deeper. And maybe the night before had been the promise she wanted. The promise that he would wait for her, and he would always love her and no one else. 

She sank into the kiss for a moment, then he pulled away and kissed her jaw under her ear. "I love you, forever. Remember that?" he whispered, then kissed her neck slowly. She thought she was going to crazy, her heart pounding the way it had the night before. She nodded, running her fingers through his hair. 

The front door opened.

Tidus had just enough time to pull away before Lulu walked in, smirking at Yuna with an 'I-caught-you' look on her face. Yuna tried to look innocent, but was unable to do so very well. Tidus was scratching the back of his head guiltily and both of them were blushing profusely. Lulu smiled.

"Good morning," she said, laughter apparent in her voice.

The couple murmured something in reply, both of them more than a little embarrassed. Lulu, in the meantime, was getting a kick out of the way they were acting. Especially because Yuna already knew that Lulu had found out what happened earlier. But she supposed there was some matter of privacy between them that she wasn't respecting. Even so, it was hilarious.

"By the way, Yuna, you have the beginnings of a hickey, just there," Lulu pointed to a spot on her own neck, smiling. It was then that Yuna sensed that Lulu wasn't angry, just getting a good laugh at their expense. She pursed her lips defensively.

"And if it hadn't been for you, it would have been a very nice hickey. Now will you stop harassing us?" Yuna demanded. Tidus laughed nervously, not sure how to react to their joking. Lulu just smiled and walked toward them, setting a large book down on the kitchen table. Her expression changed as she opened the book.

"I've got something you two might want to see."

* * * * *

A/N: yay! I wasn't expecting to finish this until Friday, but I had a sudden gust of author-ness. Sorry it's short though, I could have lengthened it, but it might have taken away from the mood of it. And next chapter: plot movement! Yayy. By the way, the title was inspired by the John Mayer song *Your Body is a Wonderland.* because i love that song and think it is just sooo romantic.

PS- Shad, this one was for you. Hehe ^^ Merry Christmas. 


	13. tears

Yuna looked at Lulu, hopeful for an answer to solve all of these problems. To keep Tidus around forever, but her eyes said that she couldn't promise that. Tidus still looked hopeful, but something told Yuna that it was only a false hope. They knew what they knew, and nothing could change that. Lulu sighed, apparently hating to be the bearer of bad news.

"Tidus, did you ever hear anything about a war?" Lulu asked, she seemed rushed. And also a little uncharacteristically scared. Tidus just stared at her expectantly, wanting a little more clarity to her question. "A war in heaven?" she sighed, leaning on the table with both hands. 

"Yeah," he said, hesitant. He looked a little clueless, and a little nervous, "But only a little. They never said anything specific, and I never wanted to ask. I thought it was supposed to be perfect, and I wanted it to feel that way."

Yuna wanted to say something, to scream at least. Another war in heaven? One there to begin with? Lulu read Yuna's expression and continued.

"The last time it happened, the keeper had made a deal with a man that he could have his wife back for a few days. The guardian let her own lover out, and something went wrong. He set all of the evil spirits out, and thus a war ensued."

"Evil spirits?" Tidus and Yuna asked in unison. Lulu looked at them, they way they were so worried for each other. She took a deep breath and continued.

"Just as those in heaven are peaceful, some can't keep that kind of tranquility. It takes a lot for someone to be classified as an evil spirit. And I mean a lot, especially seeing as how Tidus said Seymour is in heaven," Lulu paused, not sure how to phrase everything she was trying to say. "The evil spirits are kept in a prison. They are tormented to such an extent that it's not understandable."

Yuna looked at Tidus, her eyes wide, her expression curious. She kept looking at Tidus, some kind of intuition working in her mind. She never tore her eyes away, even as she spoke to Lulu. 

"What happened, then?" 

"There was a war, and most of those involved were thrown into the prison, regardless of the role they played. Because those who were guilty dragged the innocent by their feet. For three days the war waged, and thousands of guilty and innocent souls met the same fate."

Tidus understood, just then, what Yuna was worried about. He continued to look her in the eyes, wondering how he could make her feel better.

"Once the spirits are thrown in, and the gate is locked, the gate must be opened again. In doing so, the evil and the good spirits are let out. There's nothing that can be done to separate them."

Yuna's eyes began to tear up, and Tidus couldn't just stand there anymore. His hands went up to her face as her tears began to fall. He looked down at her, their faces close. 

"Oh, Yuna don't. Please don't worry, everything will be fine," he said desperately. She began to cry harder.

"How can you promise me that, if you can't promise that you'll stay?" she half-yelled, half-sobbed. She wrapped her arms around him and cried into his shoulder as he pulled her close. 

"I'm going to go now. You two have a lot to think about," Lulu said. It was only morning, and she had played her part and was ready to be on her way. She caught Tidus' eye and mouthed for him to look in the book before he left. He nodded a little in agreement and promise, and Lulu silently let herself out as Yuna continued to cry. 

Tidus kissed her forehead, as the tears continued coming. "I don't want you to leave, I don't want you to leave," she chanted quietly through her sobs, her voice a little hoarse, and a lot desperate. His arms stayed firm around her. 

"I don't want to leave. . ." he began. 

"Then don't. Just stay, stay here with me. Please stay," she whispered. Her voice was quiet and everything about her in that moment seemed so fragile, and it was almost as though he was dropping her, but her couldn't help it, and there was nothing he could do. So he just held her tighter, trying to understand what he was supposed to do.

"What if you. . .?" her question was obvious enough, and he almost began to cry. She could tell by the way his voice quivered, and she was grateful for it.

"I'll be there, I'll wait for you forever. Everything will be fine, Yuna. Everything." The early morning lulled around the house, the crashing of the waves and children playing outside the windows. But all Tidus could hear were her cries. And if it wasn't for his over-developed sense of heroism, he would have promised her the world. He would have promised to stay. But he couldn't, and she knew it. So she continued to cry for her Tidus, who would always be leaving a hole in her heart.

She pulled away from her comfort spot for a moment, and looked up at him. He looked sorry, but she didn't want things to be this way. She wiped away her tears determinedly, and smiled.

"You don't want to do this all day, do you?" she half-giggled, her voice still a little weak. He smiled back, his hands still on her hips. He loved to see her smile.

"Of course not!" he put a hand up to her face. "I don't like to see you cry," he said sincerely. Her whole face brightened. 

"Let's go get ready for the day, then!" she said, enthused. He looked at her for a moment, before they went to get ready.

* * * 

About a half an hour later, they emerged out of the house, hand-in-hand, into the late Besaid morning. Lulu saw them, turning from her spot by the practicing Aurochs to watch them. As the couple strolled along, she sensed the bittersweet happiness that was between them. It was their last day together, and this time they knew what would happen. This time, they had a choice of what to do. Part of Lulu wanted to cry, seeing the way they were so fragile. Both Tidus and Yuna looked ready to break, and all each of them wanted to do was keep the other one in one piece. 

They walked to the forest in relative silence. There was much to say, but neither of them wanted to say anything. They emerged into the tropical feeling of the forest together, and looked at each other. Yuna smiled, and Tidus smiled back. For a moment the silence was awkward, as they walked together, the sunlight barely filtering in through the trees. So Yuna smiled and started to talk about one of the only things she could think about.

"Remember Macalania?" she asked fondly. She looked over at him as they continued to walk, and he smiled then, too.

"How could I forget?" they both had known that the question was rhetorical, but he answered anyway, the memory still fresh and clear and wonderful in his mind. 

"I should have given up my pilgrimage, then. Listened to you," she said, partially sheepish. 

"You did a wonderful thing for the rest of Spira. I'll always admire you for that," he said sincerely. She felt a little sadder, but tried not to.

"It wasn't your admiration that I was after," she said flatly. He smiled and slung his arm around her lower back. 

"You already had my love. You always do," he pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head gently. "I thought I'd shown you that at Macalania."

"You never said it," she half-pouted.

"But I meant it. And believe me, kissing you then was the scariest thing I've ever done," he said sincerely. She smiled.

"Scary? How?" she was amazed that kissing her was the scariest thing he'd ever done, especially after being a guardian on her pilgrimage. A lot of what they had been through was scary. 

"I didn't know if you'd like it. I didn't know if you'd hate me, or be scared of me. It was the first time I had ever kissed someone like that before."

She looked at him frankly, until she caught his attention. "Liar."

"I mean, it was the first time I'd kissed someone and really meant it," he said sincerely. They he thought for a moment about what she'd just said. "Am I really a good kisser?" he asked shyly. She just smiled. 

"I wouldn't know the difference," she teased, rolling her eyes innocently. Just then, they stopped in front of a pond, and Yuna began to take her shoes off. "I feel like swimming," she smiled spontaneously. He smiled back, and began to take his own shoes off.

* * * * *

They dragged themselves back into Yuna's house that evening, tired and hungry, but utterly contented. They had spent the majority of the afternoon swimming, and generally playing around in the forest and on the beach. And they were happy, having spent the whole day in each other's presence, and not being lazy. Yuna and Tidus simultaneously sat down at the kitchen table and sighed tiredly. 

"I never knew having fun could be so exhausting," Yuna smiled, looking at Tidus. He smiled back.

"What do you think Blitzball is?" he said sarcastically. She playfully hit his arm and stood up, yawning. 

"Do you want something to eat?" she asked, looking through the fridge. He looked at her and joined her by the fridge.

"That would be nice," he said as she handed him some milk. She smiled at him. 

"We're making pancakes!," she giggled. He looked at her clock, puzzled.

"At nine at night?" he said doubtfully, she just continued to giggle. 

"I want pancakes, and I'm cooking! Besides, it's the only thing I can promise I won't ruin," she smiled, half-embarrassed. He just smiled.

"Pancakes sound wonderful," he replied. He helped her make the batter, then watched her cook. There was something strangely beautiful about the way she used her hands. He realized then, that even in his Zanarkand days, all he had really wanted was someone to love him. It didn't matter if she couldn't cook, or if she wasn't drop-dead gorgeous. He had always wanted, somewhere in him, just to settle down and feel something like this. 'And look what I landed with. She's beautiful and selfless and wonderful,' he thought, and she looked at him, seeing the way he was looking at her.

"What?" she asked, puzzled about the look on his face. He smiled. "What are you thinking about?"

"How lucky I am," he said. She blushed a little and turned back to her cooking. 

"I had always thought that I was the lucky one, to have you. Now hand me a plate before these burn," she smiled. He reached into a cupboard and pulled out two plates, handing them obediently to her. 

They walked up the stairs tiredly after eating. But it was their last night together, and no one was promising sleep. At least that's what Tidus was hoping as they walked into the bedroom. He stripped off his shirt, and Yuna just sat on the edge of the bed and watched him. 

"What?" he asked, looking at the way she was observing him. 

"You're beautiful," she whispered sincerely, tilting her head at one side, and still looking at him. 

"You know, beautiful isn't exactly the most manly term. That's like calling me pretty, or something," he said, faking irritated. She sensed that he was faking it.

"You are pretty," she said. He coughed expectantly. "The correct phrasing might be that you are just about the sexiest man alive. At least in my opinion," she couldn't help but smile as she played along.

"Now that's more like it!" he said. She rolled her eyes and let out a little giggle, then looked at him.

"Want to finish giving me this hickey?" she asked, he smiled mischievously.

"You know it!"

* * * * *

Hours later, in the dark of the night, premonition was hanging around him as he quietly made his way through the house, searching for a few spare pieces of paper and the words to say. He was nervous and sad about the way things were, and he felt guilty for doing this, but there was no other way. The 4 AM ship and he'd be on his way back to Luca in the early morning dawn. There was something going on back at the Farplane, and he knew it. His time was up, and it was time for this to be over, even if it meant leaving her. His heart sank even lower as he realized that he had a choice and he was leaving. But he bent over the paper and began to write his heart to her in the dark.

She had been a miracle to him, and she had saved Spira. Now it was time for him to save Heaven, so she would have a place to go. There was nothing he cared about more than her. He hoped she could tell, even though all the 'I love you's in the world couldn't make up for this. She wouldn't understand for a long time, but someday. 

It took him almost an hour, and countless tears and endless guilt to finish the letter. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, reading through the lines again, seeing if there was anything he forgot. And it didn't seem so very long to be his last thoughts to her. And he couldn't stop crying, but he wasn't ashamed. Because if anyone deserved a river of his tears, it was her. 

He folded the letter, tears still on his face, and made his way back up to her room. He was already dressed in his usual clothes. It was almost a quarter to four, then, as he stepped into her dark room. She was sleeping on her back, one hand on her chest, her other arms lying across the half of the bed where he ought to be. He placed the letter on his pillow, and touched her hand, stroking her fingers lovingly but softly. He leaned over her sleeping face and kissed her lightly, his lips merely touching hers but lingering there for a moment. And it was the saddest moment that he could ever remember.

"I love you and no one else. Forever. I'm sorry," he whispered, his face still close to hers.

He sat up and wiped the tears off his face clumsily, then walked out her door. She rolled over in bed, and touched her hand to his tear that was now resting on her face. As she heard the front door shut quietly, she closed her eyes even tighter and began to cry familiar tears, curling up in a ball and feeling hopeless. 

"I love you, too. I love you, too."

* * * * *

A/N: This isn't the end, so don't start packing up now. I'd apologize for the wait, but that would be predictable. Keep sticking with me, keep reviewing. I love reviewers! ^^ I love them muches and muches. Don't expect miracles from me, though. It may be a while till the next chapter, depending on whether or not my writing karma gets better. Have a happy new year! 


	14. the end is always just the beginning

Yuna was a mess when she woke up. She was still tired, and her eyes were puffy, and she didn't know whether to cry or be sick, or just sit exactly where she was. And because the last one didn't take as much effort, that was exactly what she did. Lulu found her like that; sitting up in bed, wearing her shorts and Tidus' shirt, staring out the window. Lulu immediately spotted the letter from Tidus lying on Yuna's pillow, but decided against saying anything. From the vacant expression on her face, she could tell exactly what had happened.

"You heard him leave, didn't you?" Lulu asked sympathetically, sitting down next to Yuna on her bed. Lulu noticed how she was sitting up so straight, her fingers clenching and unclenching the blanket on her lap, and her eyes barely blinking.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine," Lulu said. Yuna's face just stayed blank, and her fingers kept clenching and unclenching the blanket, almost in rhythm. Lulu touched Yuna's leg, and looked into her face. 

"I'll be downstairs if you need me. I'll stay all day," she whispered. Yuna nodded, which was a start. So Lulu handed the letter to Yuna, wondering what it said, but knowing that it was none of her business. As Lulu walked out of the room, Yuna ran her fingers over the letter gently, then opened it, and began to read:

  
  


If you're reading this I'm gone. And I'm sorry I didn't wake you, it would just be wrong. Even though it doesn't seem right for you to wake up alone. If I said it a thousand times, I wouldn't get the words right. But I'm going to try the best I can, so try and make sense out of this. First things first, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I had to leave the first time, and I'm sorry that I had to leave again. If I had any other choice I would stay with you forever, and I hope you know this. And although this separation feels a thousand times worse the second time over, I wouldn't have traded this week for anything. To hold you again is worth the torture of having to give you up. I just wish I could have held you for longer. I feel like I've lost everything, but as long as I know that you love me I think I'll be alright. Besides, we really aren't that far apart, are we? I'm always with you.

Second of all, I love you. If I said those three words for an eternity over and over again, it still wouldn't be enough. Because I love you more than even I understand. And I know sometimes I do stupid things, and sometimes I've even said things I don't mean, but I love you no matter what. I thought I loved you as much as I possibly could when I left you for the first time, but you know how they say absence makes the heart grow stronger? It's true, as I'm sure you understand. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and doing it again is going to kill me. I'm not looking forward to it. But if there's one thing I've learned from being in heaven, it's love is the most beautiful thing that I can give you. In Zanarkand, I thought I had everything. I was rich, and famous, and wanted. But in Spira, you showed me what life was about. You gave me a home, a life, a reason to live. And you showed me that love was everything. I had nothing until I met you.

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't follow at your feet this week. I'm sorry that I didn't share all my secrets with you until now. I'm sorry that I could never say the things I'm writing. I'm sorry that I couldn't promise you the world, but I just won't lie to you. But the thing I do and forever will promise is that you have my heart. Forever. 

I'll be lonely without you. Remember how I told you all about heaven and all the wonderful things there? How I told you about your father, and my parents, and Auron, and even Seymour? Although there's no suffering in heaven, and everyone is so good, it feels empty. All the days I spend there, I spend counting until I can see your face again. Don't get me wrong, if you can help it, I don't want you joining me any time soon. Life is precious, and I want you to live yours like I don't have the chance to live mine. Don't waste your time, live every day to the best it can be. I want you to be happy. That's all I want for you.

There's so much I could say that I don't know how, and there was so much more that I could have done to show you how much I truly do love you, but I can't regret things now. I can't turn back time. But I love you more than you can understand. And last night, and the night before. . . it meant a lot to me. And I don't mean that in a cheap gift kind of way, I mean that in a sacred kind of way (even though I know I'll being hearing about it from your father. . .). But I hope you know that anything you might have wanted from me, that I could give, would have been gladly yours. You already have my heart, and the rest of me. And if you get older, and get married, I think I'd be okay as long as you were happy. And as long as you thought of me once in a while. 

But that's not really the point. The point is that I love you. I love you so much that I can't even explain it, and I'll miss you. And I don't want you to cry for too long, because we had this week. We had each other. And we had a miracle, even if it wasn't for long. You are my miracle and I love you. I love you. 

  
  


Yuna cried, then. Careful tears streaming down her face as she noticed Tidus' tear-prints all over the page. Especially near the end. And she could picture him in the half-dark, writing and crying. And for a moment she didn't know whether she felt better or worse that she wasn't the only one in despair. And she wondered where Tidus was now, and if he had been taken or just gone on his own free will. And she knew the answer to that. 

* *

He was just getting to Luca, trying to wipe his tears in a way that no one would notice. But it was hard to miss his red eyes, and the way he looked so hopeless. Anyone could notice that, anyone could notice the way he looked hopeless. Like he had lost something beautiful. 

And Rikku saw him, and knew what was going on. She looked at the other Al Bhed she was helping, teaching them how to fix machina. But she couldn't stay, and she excused herself and ran after Tidus, not knowing what to think.

"Where's Yuna?" she asked. Tidus could tell she knew this was serious.

"She's home," he choked. There was guilt and Tidus' eyes and Rikku was getting angry and restless.

"What did you do?" she demanded, half-angry, but still half-soft because she could see that he was going through hell, too.

"There's a war, in the Farplane. And heaven. And I have to go, I have to help. But I left her," he started crying again, and tried to hide his tears. 

"You know, it's okay to cry right now. There's nothing to be ashamed of," but he didn't stop trying to look strong. "Can I help?"

"Go to Yuna, she needs you more than I do. And tel her I'll be alright," it wasn't a demand, it was a plea. Rikku admired the way he cared more about Yuna than about himself. So she nodded, knowing it was serious for him to be headed to the Farplane and having to promise safety.

"Good luck, Tidus," she patted him on the shoulder gently as she walked away. And as she walked through the half-crowded streets of Luca, she heard him shout: "Tell her I love her." And she planned to.

* *

Yuna wiped her tears as she came down the stairs, knowing that she'd cry again soon, but in the meantime, she wanted to be as stable as possible. She'd been through this before, she should be a pro. So she made her breathing even and steady. As she reached the kitchen, Lulu smiled. 

"It was more like I felt him leave. I didn't hear, I felt," Yuna said quietly as she sat down at the kitchen table, in the chair where Tidus had eaten dinner the night before. 

"Either way, I wish as much as you do that he could have stayed. Don't be a mess for too long," Lulu said softly. 

"I'll be a mess if I want to," Yuna said, jokingly defensive. Lulu smiled at her. "But I'll miss him."

"In some ways I think you made it worse for yourself. You know. . ." she didn't want to finish her sentence, but it was clear enough to Yuna what she was talking about. Her mouth was wide open.

"Who are you to judge that?" she demanded angrily. She began almost to pout. 

"Yuna, now you're left alone to worry about what it meant. And he can't reassure you."

"He doesn't have to! I know what he wanted, and I know what he meant! And he meant that he loves me, and that's what I meant. It wasn't all *him*, you know!" Yuna was being uncharacteristically moody, but Lulu had to give her the benefit of the doubt. She had just lost something that was undeniably very important to her.

"You know what I mean. And now that he's gone. ..what if. . . what if something happened?" Lulu's voice was getting louder and angrier, too. Yuna shot a an angry glare at her.

"You mean what if I got pregnant?"

"Yes, that's what I mean!" they were both yelling now, but Yuna felt more sad than angry.

"Then I would be glad to have a part of him with me!" she was standing now, her hands pressed angrily on the counter, standing opposite Lulu. It was then that she noticed the dark hickey on Yuna's neck. Tidus had left one mark, but she wanted another. Something inside of Lulu twisted with pain for Yuna.

"You want that, don't you?" she asked, as if something had just been told to her that had been a mystery for a long time. Yuna started to cry.

"It would be better than this!" she yelled through her hot tears, and ran out into the hallway. She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. Lulu felt terrible, seeing Yuna so desperate and sad. She walked quietly down the hall and leaned against the bathroom door. She knocked twice then let herself in. Yuna was in tears, sitting on the floor by the bathtub. The blue tile around her feet was wet with tears.

"Do you think you could be?" Lulu asked softly, sitting down on the floor as well. Yuna looked up at Lulu and clumsily tried to push her tears away.

"I don't think I'd feel this empty if I were," her voice was still quivering. Lulu gave Yuna a sympathetic look, and was getting ready to say something comforting when she heard a knock on the door. They both looked puzzled, and grew even more curious as they heard the front door open. Lulu walked into the hallway and Yuna stood slowly. Rikku walked toward Lulu, smiling but not as happy as she usually was. Yuna stood next to Lulu, and Rikku came and gave her a hug. 

"You talked to him didn't you?" Yuna asked quietly. Rikku just smiled sadly in reply. "What did he say?"

"He said that you shouldn't worry, he'll be alright." she paused as Yuna's eyes welled up, but she rolled them sarcastically anyway. "And he says he loves you."

"Thank you for coming, Rikku. I really appreciate you," Yuna said softly. Rikku could tell that there was nothing she could say that would make Yuna feel any better. She breathed in deep. "I think I'm going to take a bath. So you two just make yourselves at home."

"Feel better," Rikku whispered and gave her another hug. Lulu didn't say anything, just looked at her sadly and understandingly before hugging her. Yuna walked back into the bathroom and started the water running. 

She walked quietly to the hall closet to grab a few more towels. When she opened the door she noticed that it seemed a little empty. Sadly, she remembered that she had kept her staff and Tidus' sword there. She picked up a small stack of towels and headed for the bathroom.

As she set them down on the sink she saw something gold glinting from in between two of the towels. Towards the middle of the pile, laying between two towels, was a familiar gold key. She picked it up and turned it over, examining it closely. She suddenly realized what it was, and hurriedly turned her bath water off before running to the kitchen. She remembered seeing the key in Thanesh's hands, and didn't know what she had to do. But for now, she at least knew that she had to do something.

As she entered, Lulu and Rikku looked up, puzzled to see her holding a key. She looked at them with a determined look on her face as she spoke.

"Rikku, start the airship. We're going to Luca."

* * * *

A/N: I honestly have nothing to say. Ha. Whatever. Reviewers go to heaven.

By the way, I've been with ff.net for three years this month! Haha. .. I feel. . .old. In a silly way.


	15. everything you fear

Ten minutes after the discovery of the key, all three girls were aboard the airship that had just taken flight. Yuna was still pulling her clothes on haphazardly as she was telling Lulu and Rikku about the key. They listened attentively, wondering what kind of a mess Yuna had gotten herself into, but they could also see that Yuna was ready. She had needed closure, and it seemed as though she was going to get it.

Lulu watched Yuna as she sat down on the floor and looked out one of the front windows as they were speeding toward Luca. If Yuna had everything straight in her head, she'd only be about an hour behind Tidus, getting to the farplane. He couldn't get himself into that much trouble in only an hour, could he?

"You're worried, Yuna," Lulu said flatly, but Yuna couldn't help herself. Rikku half-smirked, staying focused on piloting. 

"Of course I'm worried. You'd be worried, too," Yuna sounded half-defenseless, like a child. But Lulu could see her reasoning. A war of the dead was not something to be reckoned with. 

"I think Tidus can handle himself," Lulu replied, and she didn't mean to sound snide, but at this stage, she just couldn't help it.

"Not unarmed. He won't have his sword. He won't have anything," Yuna looked and sounded distressed, continuing to look out the front window.

"You're not armed, either. What do you plan to do?" Lulu asked, Rikku nodded her head as though Lulu seriously had a point. Yuna sighed, leaning her elbows on her knees. 

"I have the key, and there has to be a reason for it. I can do something," Yuna said thoughtfully, and Lulu just looked sympathetically at her. This really was going to be the hardest thing to get through.

* * * *

An hour later, they landed on the outskirts of Luca. Yuna could hardly wait for Rikku, and was ready to jump off the ship before it even landed. Lulu, however, looked a bit more reserved, and a lot more contemplative. Yuna didn't want to pay attention to the look Lulu had on her face, but she couldn't help herself. 

"What about you, Yuna? That key won't save you, and you can't save Tidus if you can't even help yourself?"

Yuna stood up a little taller, still not quite Lulu's height, and lifted her chin so as not to let the tears beginning to well in her eyes become apparent. "I'll do something, I know I can. I can't explain it, but I know," but her eyes looked sad, and Lulu could tell that her poor little heart was weak from all it had been through. Lulu nodded sadly, and followed the two girls into town.

With all the hustle and bustle through the colorful, crowded streets of Luca, it was hard to believe that something so dreary was happening. Something that could, possibly affect them all. It was a realization, really, that everything they worked so hard to achieve on Spira could be done away with an effort from someone on the other side. All the people who were kind to others would be locked to some miserable lonely hell as a way for everyone to appreciate all the times they had helped an old lady across the street or discovered a cure for a disease. That's why Lulu knew that Yuna had to go.

But they all knew that wasn't why she was doing it.

For once, Yuna had worked up the courage to do something for herself. For once, she had dared let her mind think about her. And she knew what was important to her, and that was what mattered. Rikku looked at Yuna with some sort of quiet expression that said more than words could. Yuna could sense the gaze, but didn't have the courage to look. She was going toward something unknown. She had felt courageous before, because she had more hope. But now fear was taking over. She was going to step into another world, not knowing what to expect. And whether she could help Tidus and heaven or not, she couldn't tell. She could be walking straight into torture. And she was scared that was precisely what was happening. And if she looked at Rikku, there would be no hope for her to keep her tears in her eyes.

They were nearly to the blitzball stadium when Lulu grabbed Yuna's wrist. She stopped and looked at Lulu, all concerned eyes and weak heart, and she didn't know what she could do. She couldn't stop this. Nothing could.

"I'll go with you, even if it's hopeless. I'll never back out, you know you have me, right?" Lulu said, in that quiet way of hers.

At first Yuna was confused. She had never questioned that Lulu would follow, but there was something more. Lulu was saying that if things came down to death, Lulu would take the fall. Once a guardian, always a guardian. Yuna realized now that it wasn't just Tidus who had adopted it, it was all of her guardians. Even if Wakka was playing Blitzball, and Rikku was teaching someone or fixing something, and Lulu was helping some hopeful mage, and Tidus was beyond reach, she still had the promise of them. She started to cry then, as Rikku nodded in agreement. Lulu put her arms around Yuna for just a moment, and Yuna felt warm and safe. In the arms of a guardian. It was different than Tidus, but the promise was the same. A guardian forever.

Yuna wiped away her tears, and nodded. "I'm glad I have you," she whispered quietly. Lulu and Rikku just smiled as Yuna turned to walk away. They smiled hesitantly at each other and followed.

The crowded streets with their waves of movement seemed not to notice her, and she was glad. The last thing she needed was another delay. Lulu and Rikku said nothing as they followed her. They knew that she couldn't tell she was practically running. But they couldn't blame her, either. Given her situation, they would have been the same way. 

They followed without a question, and seemingly without a reason, until Yuna stopped in front of a building that was little more than a worn down hut. Yuna walked through the old door without hesitating, Lulu and Rikku following with confused looks on their faces.

"Yuna, what is this about?" Lulu asked, ducking under cobwebs and squinting to see through the painfully dark hall that Yuna was practically bounding down.

"This is how we're going to get there," Yuna said confidently, her voice still full of light and energy.

They finally stopped in a small room with a pedestal standing in the middle.

Yuna pointed to it. "There's a hand-print there. . . just put your hand in. I want you guys to go first," she explained quietly.

First Rikku went. She put her hand to the pedestal, closing her eyes nervously. But nothing happened. She opened her eyes, still standing, there with her hand on the pedestal. 

"Did I do something wrong?" Rikku asked nervously. Yuna shook her head no, and bit her lip, discouraged. 

"I'll try," said Lulu quietly, but she knew there was no point to it. She put her hand to pedestal, and again nothing happened. Lulu turned to Yuna, who was looking at the ground.

"Only you, Yuna. This is where you are. You know what you have to do. And there's nothing we can do to help," Lulu said. Yuna nodded, but just barely. Lulu walked over and hugged Yuna one more time.

"I wish you could come. I need you," Yuna said quietly. 

"You need Tidus. And Tidus needs you," Lulu's voice was comforting, as always, but it didn't help to move the despair that had just settled into the bottom of her heart. She almost started to cry.

"Why?"

"Because you're the only one who can do it," Rikku said. She hadn't said much the entire time, but those carefully spoken words somehow instilled a layer of courage on top of that despair. "Now go get 'em!"

Yuna smiled, half-giggled, and nodded simultaneously. She looked to Lulu, then to Rikku, and stepped up to the pedestal. She closed her eyes, and put a hand around the key in her pocket, reaching the other one slowly out and placed it on the pedestal. 

The atmosphere changed. The world outside her eyelids was suddenly lighter. She looked around, and it was dreadfully silent. She was alone in the white room, now windowless, the door closed. It was an eerie feeling, nothing but her own breathing. She walked over to the door. It was locked, as she suspected. Someone counted on her coming. All of the sudden, the key got warm in her hand.

She took it out of her pocket, and slid it into the keyhole, twisting it slowly. The door popped open and she was ambushed with sound. The persistent falling of sheets of water, the sounds of swords clanking, men yelling, and a vaguely familiar voice pleading with an all-too-familiar voice. 

Yuna walked out the back door quietly, suddenly aware of how unarmed she was. She hoped with all her might not to be seen.

She looked to her right and saw Auron and Jecht fighting dark figures she couldn't clearly make out. A little in front of her was her own father, doing everything he could. She looked around and saw that the gate to heaven was wide open, and there was another gate with black wrought-iron bars that looked like a jail cell rather than a gate. She was looking around again when she noticed that her hopes had gone unfulfilled, she'd been seen. But she wasn't worried.

Tidus, the only other unarmed person around, was hiding behind a conveniently located cluster of trees, and he was motioning for her to come. And he meant quick. So she took another quick glimpse around and ran over to him, her movement blending in with the quick fighting of the battlefield between the house and the gate. 

"I thought I'd never see you again," she said breathlessly, and she kissed him. But he pulled away after a few seconds. 

"We have other things on our minds. Kissing can wait," he said sternly. She knew he meant it, if he was giving up a kiss. So she was contented to crouch with him, and hold his hand.

"But what can we do? We're not armed," her voice was hopeless. He looked her in the eyes, not smiling, but a little stern. That was what a guardian looked like, and all he wanted to do was protect her.

"See those dark figures? Every time they injure one of ours, they pull them down into that other gate. And once you go in there, they say it's almost impossible to get out. No one told me how you do get out, but I haven't seen anyone come out yet," his fingers clenched tighter around her hand. Suddenly she realized exactly the weight of what was going on.

"Who started this?" somehow, Yuna already knew the answer. He looked steadily into her eyes, and nodded. Her heart felt hopeless, even though she was with the one person she would do this for. She tried not to tear up.

"Just look," Tidus whispered into her ear, so close that she could feel his lips brush against her ear. 

And she looked. 

And she saw her worst nightmare.

There in the middle of the chaos, was Seymour. 

* * * * *

A/n: Short chapter. .. . barely made it to the 2,000 word goal I imposed on myself. And it took so long, too. My life has been unusually blah lately. Sorry if the chapter sucks, at least it's something. My brain is so blah! Nothing will come out. Hopefully I'll get my spark back, or something. Either way, thanks to Shaddeh for proposing inspiring type moods and giving me all the help i need ((even if I'm too stubborn to say that I need the advice, hehe.)) Hope you enjoyed it. And I hope i get something new out sooner.


	16. send me an angel

The look on her face was timelessly painful, all traces of color seemed to seep and drip off of her face like water. And she did look a little empty. And more than a little tired. It was then that he decided to ask the most pointless and irrelevant question, but it somehow seemed important to him.

"How did you sleep last night?" suddenly her face seemed okay, and she squeezed his hand that was intertwined with hers. 

Suddenly she felt a little soothed, although she was remembering the most torturous moment of her life. "Good, until you left," her voice was quiet, as his eyes suddenly became terrified.

"Did I wake you up?" he asked, a little panicky. She just smiled.

"Tidus, I'm okay now," she replied softly as she looked up at him. His expression softened as he kissed her lightly on the forehead. "But we need to figure this thing out. Basically we need to just shove all those dark figures back down into their gate and lock it. Then we can sort things out with the other gate. . . right?" Her voice was suddenly changed, like she had gone into "Maestress Yuna" mode.

"Easier said then done. Plus, they'd just over take you and take you down with them. And then, you're stuck. Forever," Tidus seemed strangely more horrified about this concept than Yuna.

"What's down there, anyways?" she asked quietly, as if the question was something she really shouldn't have asked.

"Torture, Yuna. And the dark spirits seem to be able to have a quicker effect than the light ones do. They just--make you give up hope. After a while, the light ones start giving up," as Tidus said this, Yuna watched as one light spirit just seemed to get tired and worn. And he didn't look as light anymore, like a room where the light had just gone out.

"It's like poison. . ." she whispered sadly. "But how are Jecht and Auron keeping it up?"

"Watch them," Tidus answered, holding her hand a little tired, sensing her fear. 

And she did watch them, as they fought, they'd switch out to give each other rests from the darkness. Yuan suddenly felt much more powerless, wishing she could help. Because with every clank of swords, and chaotic battle, more were lost. She looked around, and was surprised to see her parents doing the very same thing as Auron and Jecht. Her mouth hung half-open.

"I didn't know my mother could use a sword that well.. . ." 

"You learn a lot in heaven," and it was all he had to say. Her mind was spinning fast, trying to figure out a way to get them into the gate. It was like there was no solution.

Her eyes were drinking in the whole scene quickly, the dirt and the stone and those gates wide open with figures pouring out of both, and so many, many light figures growing dim and falling down that endless black staircase. The sparks flying from the swords, and the sounds of the blades hitting each other with the endless background noise of the waterfall. It was the kind of desperate scene that made her just want to cry and reach out her hands and give them something, anything to hope for.

Her free hand clasped around the key as she pulled it out her pocket.

She opened her hand and showed to Tidus. "I don't know how I'm supposed to help. . ."

He was looking into her eyes, wishing still that she had never gotten mixed up in this. He liked having her around, but was it worth the danger? "Have I told you lately that you're amazing?" 

"No," she said softly. 

"You are. But sometimes the answer isn't going to be there in front of you. And sometimes, you just have to let things happen first."

Her eyes were starting to well up with tears, "I can't let this happen. All these good people. . . all these wonderful people. . ." She was crying freely. Tidus sat down and pulled her close to him, stroking her hair as he kept watching the battle. It was then that he saw what was happening. . .

"Yuna, you can't give up hope. If you do, I can't protect you. And then you'll be gone, and I'll have no hope. Yuna. . .please. . . please don't cry. . ."

Much to Seymour's pleasure, they were both beginning to fade. He had left the battle and was silently watching them from the side of Thanesh's house. She was at his side.

"Things are looking up, Thanesh," Seymour said, holding in his laughter with a smirk. She smiled at him, and nodded slightly in agreement, though she wasn't sure that she agreed. She really did like Yuna and Tidus, the pair of them so pure, somehow. She felt sore watching them fade.

'What has time done to you, Seymour? And what have I done to these two?' her thoughts were sad as Yuna and Tidus slowly became more and more hopeless. 'You still have each other. .. Isn't that enough?'

"It's time. . . Seymour grinned walking slowly over to them. Thanesh stood against the wall and clutched at her heart. . . it had never hurt that much before.

He stood above Yuna and Tidus and said softly. . . "come." Mindless and transfixed, they both stood. Minds blank and inebriated with the lack of hope, they couldn't think or feel anything at all. Tears were still wet on Yuna's face, but she felt nothing anymore. Simply the blank numbness of hopelessness and the close-impending evil about.

Seymour led them out from behind the bushes, parading them like toys in front of the whole scene. And he got exactly the reaction he had wanted. Jecht and Braska both saw them. They ran towards their children, as Auron took Braska's spot in battle.

"It's a shame things had to come to this, Yuna. . ." Seymour smirked, Jecht and Braska growing closer. He stopped and waited. The two men, both powerful, put up their swords, ready to fight, ready to take any chance to save their children. 

"Seymour. .. Just let them go. . ." Jecht growled, already in stance to start the fight. 

"They don't want to be let go. . . just look at them. I'd suggest you two get your minds off them or you'll be following them. Good day," Seymour turned then, Yuna and Tidus in tow, ready to lead them down the black staircase to eternal torment. 'What a good day. . .' Seymour thought lightly.

"He's right. . . we can't save them. We can't think about them or we'll just fall, too. They need us, Jecht," Braska motioned to the legions of makeshift soldiers, fighting their battles. Jecht nodded sadly, ready to jump back in the middle just to get his mind off of the loss of his son. Twice he'd lost Tidus, and once he'd had to let him go. The clanking of metal upon metal felt somehow like a refuge from the sadness. But would he ever really escape it?

Meanwhile Yuna and Tidus, both zombie-like stepped down endless numbers of stairs, the further they lost themselves down, the hotter it got. And finally they felt something, together, fear. It was exactly the feeling that this place had been built for, and everything was seeming to melt together. Everyone's face looked the same. Yuna was overcome by the feeling that it could only get worse. She stopped dead in her tracks and Tidus continued onwards, feeling the separation between them as if they'd been cut off from any light they'd ever had. They both faded into a blurred state of darkness, Yuna still standing against the wall on the staircase, Tidus walking slowly away.

Retreated into the darkness, Yuna's hand made it's way into her pocket. She felt something metal, and turned it slowly and mindlessly around in her fingers, feeling it's curves. It's sharp points. Somewhere inside of the emotionlessness, and the mindlessness, she ached to remember.

Suddenly, like a light flickering on inside of her, she knew it was a key. A key to what? 

To heaven, her mind answered. The torturous atmosphere of that place was beginning to wear thing. And she burst out of mindlessness like in a dream, and instead of darkness, she became light.

She could see clearly, so many halls and rooms and open spaces, but everyone looked the same. Every face was blurred a little. Many dark figures looked up at her blankly, not understanding. She rushed down the stairs, her body glowing white against the red and black charcoal darkness of the dungeons and prisons Her hair flowed out behind her, and suddenly she was in a white dress not unlike the one her mother had been wearing.

'What's going on?' she asked herself, her mind willing to know. She wanted to run up the stairs and fall into the light of day, but she knew she had to do something here first. There were dark figures beginning to lighten in her presence. 

"Lady Yuna. . ." one woman whispered, her body becoming lighter the closer Yuna came to her. Yuna didn't recognize her, but touched her hand anyway, and pointed her to the stair case she had just come down from. 

Suddenly, the whole place was filled with whispers as Yuna entered a large, high-ceilinged room where many dark figures were lounging about hopelessly, doing nothing but sulking. Every figure she came to became lighter, and she touched as many hands as possible, trying to restore them, but not being entirely able to do so. And there were whispered rumors flying about.

"She's an angel. . ."

"She's come to set us free. . ."

"There is hope. . ."

But Yuna was still looking desperately into every face, unable to find Tidus. There was a crowd around, figures touching her hands, her dress, her face, her hair. . . trying to soak in some of the light. But even as they grew lighter, they didn't know where to go. So they followed. Light grey and white figures formed a train behind her, a crowd following her even through crowded spaces. 

Even with all that hope, Yuna was lost. She couldn't tell where she'd come from, but that didn't matter. All she needed to know was where she was going. Where would she find Tidus?

Room after room, hall after hall, the heat drenching her in sweat, but she kept going. Tired, but hopeful with countless thousands of people following after. What could she do to find him? Where would they lock him? And how could she free all of the countless others that she hadn't seen yet?

She turned around to the countless numbers behind her. They were all becoming whiter, it seemed. She saw a side staircase and walked up a few steps before turning to the crowd.

"Go find the others, call every person, and give them hope. Tell them I'm here to set you all free. . . I can't do it myself. . . I need your help. Please." Her eyes were begging and pleading, and they were all looking into her face, their angel of light. And they started nodding, every one of the countless number. And they were saying, "Yes, yes. . . I'll go." And they were all smiling, and she was smiling, too. They slowly started filing away, and then more quickly, in pairs and groups for the strength, to go search every corner of this forsaken place. 

She turned and ran up the staircase she was standing on, going to another part of the dungeons completely. She stepped slowly and quietly. As she reached the top, she found herself at the end of a row of cells, close enough together that she could reach out her hands and touch the bars on either side. And she did, her hands out. And as she touched it, every wrought-iron vanished and every dark figure caged within turned lighter and lighter. Thousands of years of torture forgotten as they followed behind her. Every figure that had been evil turned good, after so long in darkness, they felt so purified to be near something so light. She gave them the same set of instructions as the others, and another group of helpers was dispatched to help find the forgotten and tormented.

Could Tidus have been reached? She wondered. . . and thought. . . and longed for him in the worst way. She put fingers to her lips, and whistled long and loud.

* * * * * *

A/N: Hooray for updates! And sorry it's been so long. . . talk about life being hectic. I'll try and get the next one out sooner. . . before life turns into an uproar again for my brother's graduation. Scary. Anyways. . . leave a review, because I love them. And don't sue me, because I have no money.

Much thanks to everyone for the reviews in the past, and for the patience now. Plus thanks to Shad for helping me - even though I'm helpless. And much thanks to Noelle, whose fic got me back in the writing mood. 


	17. your absence is my prison

She paced for a few moments through the empty hall, sweaty and tired and hot. He didn't come. Hadn't they reached him yet? She told herself to be patient, she'd only sent everyone on their giant quest a few minutes ago. Or had it been longer? In her flowing white dress that was less than spotless, she walked through the abandoned corridor like some long-lost princess. She made her way down the stairs on feet that she just noticed were bare against the black stone floor. 

As she stepped out of the staircase she reentered a large room, lit only by boiling lava that could be seen through holes in the floor, located around the edges of the high-ceilinged room. There were black pillars scattered neatly through the space, holding the ceiling up or the floor down, she couldn't tell which. And the whole room was almost empty.

She felt like screaming.

A light grey, nearly white, figure was approaching her, legions of her light army behind it. As the person drew nearer, she felt disappointed to see that it was not Tidus. Just another nameless being. She smiled instead.

"We have found every person. And freed them all.. . except one," he said, a little cautiously. She knew what it meant. . . being off the hook already just would have been too easy.

"Where is he?" Yuna asked, a little sadly, but straightened up as her voice began to crack. This wasn't a time to be worrying the others. 

"Back around that hall. . . . just follow the corridor. . . he's easy to find," he explained. Yuna nodded slowly and smiled.

"You've done all you can. I'll show you guys the way out now. . ." she replied and turned around. It should have been a proud and triumphant moment, but it wasn't. It was tedious business now, and all she could think of was Tidus and getting him out. But as long as she had the key, she had hope. She led the vast number of figures through three more large rooms and countless corridors before she stopped. 

'I could go now. . .' Yuna thought. 'No I couldn't.' And she really couldn't. As tempting as the faint light of day coming down the stairs was, she would never be able to allow herself to leave without Tidus at her side. The people closest to her eyed her ponderously, wondering what could ever be troubling her at a time like this. She simply smiled and pointed them up the stairs.

"Go. Be free," the words were whispered, but it sent some kind of a shiver through the masses, everyone becoming a shade lighter at the words. It gave Yuna a little hope herself. . . but her own freedom from this hellhole would have to wait till she could leave at Tidus' side.

After watching a small part of the crowd run up the stairs with bright grins on their faces, Yuna quietly slipped away from them, a well-practiced art. She walked slowly back through the winding hallways and the large rooms, glad her memory was as good as it was. 

She hadn't been nervous until just as she walked into the hall she'd been pointed to. She hadn't feared what could detain Tidus from her, until she began to realize how close she was getting. She followed the long, empty hall, hearing no sound but the sound of her feet and her hand sliding against the wall as she tried in vain to comfort her fears. There was there door, and the room.

She walked in, quiet in her presence, and looked around. There was a cage, barbaric enough, inside of which Tidus stood like an angry dog, ready to attack if only he could get out. And, as predicted, Seymour was pacing outside of the cage, looking evil as usual. But he wasn't alone. 

There were four other demonic-looking half-people growling about. Yuna's fear was almost overwhelming, though she didn't move or make a sound. 

Seymour had seen her, though, and he spoke as he continued his pacing. "How nice of you to join us, Yuna."

Her eyes started to well up with tears, her fists clenched at the very sound of his voice. "Let him go," she growled. Tidus was staring at her, in her holy anger and her quiet violence.

"You see. . . I would, Yuna. Really. But I can't walk away empty-handed, you see," his voice was unrushed and mischievous as usual, making her blood boil with every well-chosen word. He'd been planning this moment since he had stepped foot into this hell, and she wouldn't be toyed with.

"I won't leave without him," her fists and teeth were clenched tight, her eyes narrowed in anger and unshakable determination.

"I'm afraid you'll have to. Now turn around and go your way. Tidus is mine to torture however I wish, he's my prisoner," Seymour said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

"I said let him go," her voice grumbled, getting more and more angry and strangely scared by the moment. Yuna started walking closer, a fear still pounding in the back of her head, and the chaos of the moment echoing inside of her.

"I don't think so, my dear. I refuse to lose everything to you," he stood in front of her, trying to command her fiery presence with his larger stature. She glared up at him, searching his eyes for weakness. She pushed him aside with one hand and walked over to Tidus. Apparently she had pushed harder than she had thought, Seymour was standing a little hunched, as though in pain.

Tidus reached his hand through the bars of the cage, and Yuna kissed it and held it for as long as she could, waiting for Seymour to come tear her away. The inevitable would happen, she knew, but she wanted to be close to him, to touch him for as long as possible. Feeling his skin, his warmth, that was all she wanted to know.

"I love you," he whispered, making her smile and cry at the same time. One of the half-people with horns and a tail tore them away from each other, pulling Yuna viciously backwards. She almost fell, but regained her balance slowly.

"So what will it be, Yuna? Are you just going to stand here forever and watch me torture him?" He looked her over quietly, smirking and making evil plans in his evil mind.

"Take me instead," she whispered, refusing to meet his eyes. She bit at her bottom lip a bit nervously, not exactly knowing what she was getting herself into. But if it was for Tidus' good, it was better that way.. 

"No! Yuna, you can't. . ." Tidus was raging and sobbing from behind the bars of his cage. It was reckless. . . she was crazy. And they were both feeling the exact thing. 'I can't let you stay in this prison if I can get you out. . .' But Yuna was the only one who could really act on it. Tidus shook the bars of his little cell as hard as he could, barely stifling a roar in his throat.

Seymour smirked. "How predictable of the little heroine. Well. . . you heard her," he motioned to his four minions, chuckling. "Release him and show him the way out, kindly." 

They unlocked the cage and Tidus ran to Yuna, and held her, both of them wanting it to last forever, though knowing that it never could. Their hearts were beating wildly in the same way, their faces both tired and dirty, and both of them had the same fear. And neither of them could keep their eyes dry. She placed the key, her beacon of strength in his hand. They were beginning to pull him away. 

"Finish it, Tidus. You have to," she was crying fiercely, as was he. Both of them knowing that it was probably the last time they were going to look into each other's eyes. It wasn't just life this time. It was eternity. He nodded as he kissed her, being pulled away. She kissed back as hard as she knew how, desperately, until their lips were separated from each other. She was locked into the cage quickly, and she was immediately standing crying at the bars, facing Tidus. 

They were leading him across the room slowly, and he kept looking back at her. She reached one arm out in some kind of vain effort to keep him near. They were both sobbing freely, tears streaming down like fountains. It was almost a physical pain for both of them, like they were sewn to each other and the thread was being stretched beyond it's breaking point.

"I love you," she sobbed, coughed, and screamed all at the same time, as they practically dragged him away. She heard her words echo back in his voice, as the two voices sounded and echoed through the room, dying away quietly. Yuna sank to her knees, still clutching the bars of her tiny cell, and sobbed. She sobbed loudly, until her voice got hoarse, and then in a quietly shaken way for a while. 

She sank to the floor, curled up in a ball on the hard stone. She was hot and dirty, but that was the least of her worries. Seymour was still standing outside the cell, listening to her sobbing. And something, some sort of feeling twitched inside of him. 

'No one ever would have cried for me like that. . .' he thought sadly. Then he decided the atmosphere of the place was getting to him, and he brushed the thought away, continuing in his triumph, listening to the tormented sound of her crying.

She rolled over onto her back, staring blankly at the ceiling of her prison, tears streaming silently down her cheeks. How long had she been here? Hours? Days? Her eyes were stinging ferociously, and she couldn't blink her tears away. She continued crying, and slipped out of consciousness.

Her dreams came to her in the form of memory. There he was, standing in the temple. The very first time she'd ever seen him. And then the look on his face when she asked him to be her guardian. And the look in his eyes every time he glanced her way between then and the end of her pilgrimage. She was seeing the way his anger was displayed across his whole body as she agreed to marry Seymour (and she simultaneously shuddered in her sleep at the very thought of him). 

She was slipping in and out of consciousness, fading in and out of the dreams and memories, tears gliding into puddles around her face whether she was awake or asleep. The light in her dreams was somewhere between a solace and a torture to her as she fell in and out through the edges of them and the awful reality she was in.

His face, his hands, his lips at Macalania. The calming way he always told her that things would turn around for the better, that they could defeat Sin once and for all. She relived every moment with him of her pilgrimage, the hurt in his eyes as he started to fade. She sobbed in her sleep, then. Crying his name repeatedly. But the memory wouldn't lie, she fell through him. He held her. And then they were torn from each other, as though through some awful and terrifying mistake.

She awoke, feeling a bit sick, and her head was heavy and spinning. She saw Seymour, talking to someone, though she couldn't tell who, but she was too tired and miserable to care much. She felt her eyelids go heavy and fell asleep again. 

She saw him, in her memory-dream, standing behind the beautiful gate of heaven. Patient in his longing, beautiful in his near-perfection. Then she relived the tickle-fight and the passion of those kisses. The days spent so close to each other, the nights when they couldn't be without each other. Them playing and laughing and searching for an answer, and the sadness when they accepted that there was none.

And the night she gave him everything precious to her, the feel of his skin on hers, the way he whispered in her ear and kissed her so softly and held her so close. The way he was so warm and so close. So gentle and so perfect. And the way it felt so right. 

With that one final memory, her tears stopped, and she fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * * * *

Tidus had never been shown out. Simply shown to another part of that dark hell, shown to his own cage and his own set of memory-filled dreams. He cried, too, remembering and seeing the same things as Yuna, just from another angle. The way she was always so pure and sweet. 

The feel of her on his skin, and on his lips. The way she tasted, the way she concentrated, and the way she worried. So much responsibility had been given to her through the entire time he had known her, and she had handled it and herself so well. She was everything to everyone, and everything to him.

He remembered the way he had been so surprised when she kissed back at Macalania, and the way it was always the little things she did and said that would send him crazy with the inexplicable love he had for her. The way she definitely wasn't his type, but was really all he had ever wanted. The way she made him feel like a king or a god.

He could feel her crawl into bed with him when he was banished to the couch. The way he could feel her breath as she whispered. And the sound of countless "I love you's" that escaped her lips at perfect moments. 

And he remembered, too, the sweetness shared between them really not so long ago. The way her body radiated so much warmth, and the way his arms fit so perfectly around her. The way they just fit together, like they were made for each other. The way she touched his chest and his face and hair with her long fingers, and the palms of her hands. Every little thing. 

And then he slept, dreamless for a while.

He didn't know how long it had been when he woke. But when he did, he was wide awake. He sat up, rubbing his eyes a little and playing with his hair a little. He leaned back on his arms, then realized he was touching something with his fingers.

He turned around and saw his sword. He ran his fingers down it slowly, wondering if it was a dream. But he wouldn't be without Yuna if it was. He looked around the room. There were only two of Seymour's little pawns around, and they would be easy enough to take care of. But how would he get out in the first place? The bars were too think to cut through. 

He stood up and looked around the room, now knowing how anything out there could help him, but he looked anyway. He went to put his hands in his pockets when he realized that he didn't have any. He was dressed in a simple whit outfit like he had worn. . . in heaven. He pondered the thought over.

'I died. . . again," was the conclusion he came to. He looked around the floor, feeling like he'd lost something. His hand went instinctively to his neck. 

The key was hanging there on it's own chain. The idea sparked him to try it. If it was the key to heaven, it could be the key to hell, right? 

Waiting for the demons to turn their backs, he swiftly pushed the key in the hole and turned it. It clicked softly, but loud enough for him to hear. He smiled as he hung the key back around his neck and reached for the sword lying on the ground. He picked it up quiet not to make any sound, then slowly opened the door to his little cage and walked out, getting his sword up and getting in the stance to fight.

He didn't have to make a sound. One of the half-demons turned around, then alerted the other to do the same. They charged at him, all claws and teeth and horns and blind power, their grotesque strength no match for Tidus' grace with a sword. He sliced through them easily, and ran out the door to find Yuna.

It didn't take long, the rooms being on the same hall. For safety, Tidus looked around the corner to the entrance, his back against the wall, but his sword at the ready. He was ready to charge in, when something touched his hand. He turned around and there were about a hundred of the people Yuna had saved behind him, motioning for him to be silent, while the one closest to him spoke.

"We're here to help. When you and Yuna didn't return, we knew you needed help." 

Tidus smiled and thanked him in a whispered tone, and they quickly mapped out a plan together. It only took a few moments and Tidus was ready to barge in and take care of business. The two half-demons came first, as expected, and Tidus took care of them the same way as the other two. He then motioned for all of his fighters to follow him in. 

Seymour was raging, trying to cast spells, but was unable to do so. Magic was canceled out within the walls of this hell, as Tidus had learned from the figures. He walked straight up to Seymour and punched him in the face once, as hard as he could, knocking him backwards a little. On his chest was a hand-print, burned, where Yuna had pushed him.

Seymour was stunned as the hundred or so people came close and touched him, leaving their burns. He screamed and writhed with the pain, and they pulled him away, kicking and screaming, and raging but able to do nothing. 

"Thank you," Tidus called after them, as they walked away. He waited until Seymours screaming had dulled and died away into other parts of the dungeons to walk over to Yuna. He unlocked the door to her tiny cell. She was sleeping, laying on her back, her hair tangled and her dress and face dirty, the floor around her was still a little wet with her tears, as was her face.

He set down his sword outside of her cell and kneeled down next to her, taking her hands in his. Both of them were dirty and sweaty and tired. He leaned over and pressed his lips gently against hers. Her eyes fluttered gently open. He could tell she was sick and tired and sore. She almost smiled as she saw him.

"Tidus?" she whispered weakly, the sound of his name on her lips a comfort to him. Neither of them could tell how long they'd been there. Consciousness had slipped in and out from under both of them like some sort of haze.

"I'm here. . . and you're not dreaming. Now let's go, we can go now. It's okay now. . ." he was speaking so fast, whispering, stroking her hair. She started crying.

"Why, Tidus? So we can just be taken away from each other again?" She was sobbing, but didn't have the strength to move or wipe her tears away. She just laid, hopeless and dirty and aching on her back. He wiped her tears away gently with his hands. She was looking at him sadly.

"Yuna. . . You can't give up. ." He was starting to cry, too, just looking at her that way. She looked so worn out.

"Our time's out. . .our week is over. We can just stay here. . ." her voice was barely more than breathing, and his heart ached. Something was getting to her, but he could feel it, too. He couldn't be torn from her again. Every time it got more and more unbearable, it seemed. He looked over her body, her face, searching every familiar part, trying to think of something to say, something to do, that would convince her not to just lie there and give up.

He laid down next to her, both of them staring at the black iron ceiling of the tiny little open-door cage. He held her hand, his free arm beneath his head. "Would you stay like this? On this hard floor, so uncomfortable and too hot and achey? Would you stay like this forever?"

"If I could be close to you," she rolled onto her side weakly and threw her arms around his waist, lying her head weakly on his chest. He looked down at her, looking so worn. So broken. Suddenly his eyes got wide, and he sat up, holding her close to him as he did. She looked at him, her movements slow and puzzled.

"Are you hungry?" He asked urgently. She looked almost disgusted.

"What does that have to do with anything?" she demanded, the loudest she had been yet.

"Just answer me. . . " he begged, looking into her eyes expectantly. She sighed.

"No," she was practically fuming about the pointlessness of the whole thing, when she realized what Tidus has suspected. How long had it been since she'd had anything to eat? It was all coming together. . . her light. . .the dress. She went pale, and was a bit scared. "Tidus. . . I'm. . . I'm. .." Just the thought was horrifying to her. And she started sobbing again, collapsing into his arms yet again. She was aching, and scared, and unsure of what it meant. He just stroked her hair and rocked her back and forth, trying to be any comfort. She looked up into Tidus's eyes, but he was much less terrified than she was. And she quietly realized why.

"If I'm. . . well. .. Because I'm. . . dead," she stumbled for the word, afraid to say it.. "I won't have to leave you again. . . ever." 

He smiled and nodded. She kissed him, though she was dizzy with that realization and the thoughts that they'd never have to be parted again. So she stood, and looked down at him. He smiled up at her.

She smiled, and held out her hand, "What are we waiting for?"

* * * * * *

A/N: yayyy! This has probably been my favorite chapter so far. (And longest, too. . .) No promises on how long till the next one, life is just getting crazier and crazier. I haven't even had time to breathe!

  
  


Much thanks to Shad for beta-ing this chapter. And much thanks to everyone who reviewed last time. *hint, hint* I love reviews. . . . 


	18. how to be dead

Author's note: Six years later, and I've decided that this story deserves an ending.

They emerged from their prison hand-in-hand, patches of dirt on their clothing and stuck to their skin. They both knew they were a mess: grimy, sweat-covered and disheveled. But neither of them cared about the sticky feeling they were covered with, because they were together. Truly together, with no end of their nearness in sight.

Tidus couldn't even bring himself to be sad about Yuna's life having been cut short. She hadn't suffered, as she might have if she had died naturally. No old age, no disease, no accidents. All it had taken was a few footsteps into Hell and she had gone from life to afterlife with no recollection of the event at all. And Yuna, for her part, was almost relieved to be dead.

She saw her parents helping to guide some of the others, still-dazed, back behind the golden gates and into heaven where they belonged. Yuna wondered which of them had been there all along, and which had been suffering for millennia in the Hell she had only encountered for a few days. She didn't want to imagine going through years and years of restless sleep, of separation from loved ones while the memories of them danced just beyond reach.

And then the memory of some of her own loved ones struck her. Deeply. How would Lulu and Rikku know what happened to her after she had left them? Would they worry their whole lives about her, wondering if she had made it to heaven? And how would the people of Spira react to her mysterious disappearance? Would they suspect someone of her murder and condemn them, regardless of their innocence? Would they carry on in a noble way, or would some leader come along at just the right time and gain their trust, only to corrupt the government she had worked so hard to build?

Suddenly she realized that death just as difficult as she had suspected. And more unbearable than she could have imagined.

Tidus looked at her as the worry crossed her face. She tried to regain composure, but he had seen the traces of anxiety in her expression.

"What is it?" he asked. She looked up at him sadly.

"I love you, Tidus. And you I know I want to be with you more than I want anything," she said.

"But. . ." he prompted, curious and concerned.

"They won't know what happened. And Spira will be without a leader," she replied quietly. "I don't know how to be dead."

He smiled at her and kissed her dirty forehead. "I have a feeling that everything is going to work out for the best."

Even if that was true, she couldn't help feeling some kind of tumult of emptiness rumble inside of her belly. It was like a memory of a future that was going unfulfilled. And it felt exactly like the movement of a tiny person inside of her, wanting to be born. She wouldn't speak of that to Tidus, not wanting to burden him with their hopeless dream of a family.

But he could feel it, too. He wanted to see her standing in front of him in a white dress as he promised to himself and to her and to everyone he knew that he was going to love her and only her forever. He wanted to spend every day at her side and every night in her bed. He wanted to hold her hand as she screamed and writhed in pain when she gave birth to their children.

They wanted to teach their beautiful blue-eyed, straight-nosed children to walk and read and play Blitzball. But to say it out loud would be far too cruel.

Yuna's hand went to the key around her neck as she looked wordlessly at Tidus. After sharing their unspoken desire for a long moment, he looked down at the golden key around her neck.

"Before we do anything else," he said, "we need to find out how this all happened."

They walked together toward Thanesh's house. She waited for them, expectantly, by the open front doors. She looked worn and anxious and far less beautiful than Yuna had first observed.

"We want . . . " Tidus began.

"To hear my story," Thanesh said softly. "It isn't an easy one for me to tell. Please, do me one favor before I give you the explanation you so deserve. Promise me that you will not return the key to me. I am no longer worthy to bear it."

Yuna and Tidus looked at each other seriously and then nodded at Thanesh.

They followed her inside the spacious white house, through the corridors and into a sitting room. Thanesh sat in a chair while Tidus and Yuna sat directly across from her in the center of a long white couch, still holding hands.

"What you two have is precious. I hope you never forget that. I had someone once, who was precious to me. This was many, many years ago. Before the time of Zanarkand, even. There was a couple who loved each other passionately in a time of great turmoil. She was accused of witchcraft, long before summoning was accepted and widely used as a means of good. He, not able to bear the thought of her death, offered his life in her place. He was burned alive in her stead.

She followed his spirit as he wandered aimlessly through the world. It was as she followed him that she discovered the Farplane. It took her months to find an entrance beyond the waterfall, but she was entranced by what she saw. She wanted her husband's spirit to stay and rest there, instead of wandering aimlessly as it had been doing since his death. And she wanted to know where she could find him when she followed. So she performed the very first Sending.

Much to her surprise, the spirits of all of the dead came from all over, searching for their own resting place. But not all of them were good. So she, along with the help of her husband's spirit, separated the good ones from the ones who wanted nothing but to cause harm to others. She forged the gates and the key, and created heaven and hell.

She left the Farplane and taught a young girl the art of Sending. And together they forged new magic and became the earliest form of Summoners.

I was the girl, the first tutor of Mother of the Farplane. When she died, she bestowed upon me immortality and the key to the gate. My own husband grew old and died, and I sent him on to the Farplane. He chose to stay in his mortal form near the gates always, but we couldn't communicate by doing more than smiling. I learned to accept our fate, glad to be near him always, even though we couldn't become pyreflies and spend eternity together in that way.

Many years later, the first precursor to Sin appeared. And the first Summoner gave his life to save his village. His young, distraught love followed dreams of him to the Farplane and to me. I decided that, perhaps when I opened the gate to let him out to return to his wife, Seymour could return to me. But without the consent of Mother of the Farplane, I could do nothing. It was then that she communed with me and gave me the ability to release a spirit for only a short amount of time to someone I deemed truly worthy. Someone who had made an incredible sacrifice.

The couple seemed genuinely grateful, and I was grateful for the return of my husband, if only for a short while. You see, I could not keep him out of heaven for long or he would lose himself and become cruel. A human and intelligent form of a monster.

At the end of two weeks, the couple returned with their weapons and attacked me, refusing to go back to heaven. It was then that Seymour, in a fit of rage that was a symbol of his rapidly declining humanity, stole the key to heaven and opened the gate to hell. He wanted to punish Mother for keeping me away from him eternally.

You know what happened to the spirits in both heaven and hell during that war. So many were lost, I didn't ever suppose that Seymour had returned to the world of the living to be reborn as the Seymour you know him as now, with his ancient pain and hatred in a new form. Not until he was Sent back not so very long ago. And then you, Yuna, lost everything. I knew now that I could not have him longer than a week, but I wanted him back for that time. So I sought you out, gave you the clues to find me as you needed. I appeared to you as the booksellers. I led you to me all for my own selfish reasons. And I took your weapons as assurance that history would not repeat itself.

What I didn't anticipate was Seymour. He never returned to himself after being re-Sent, regardless of his good behavior in heaven. As I lay sleeping for the first time in a century, he stole the key from me and opened the gates to hell. He wanted to send everyone in the Farplane to hell, just to make sure that Mother would not be excluded. But you ruined it with your hope and your strength, Yuna."

Tidus and Yuna sat reeling, heads spinning with the amount of history that she had lived through. They sat in wonder and confusion at never having known so much about things that ultimately would concern everyone who ever had or ever would live.

"I'm going to summon Mother of the Farplane for you, Yuna. And then I need you to do one last favor for me," Thanesh said seriously. Yuna nodded.

Yuna and Tidus followed Thanesh outside. She retrieved Yuna's staff while they waited patiently, silently, leaning into each other, fingers intertwined. They watched, equally silent, as Thanesh performed a Summoning dance of a completely different magnitude than either of them had ever experienced. She moved like a ballerina and a lion simultaneously, the magic around her almost palpable in the air.

She danced for an almost immeasurable period of time, and yet it seemed over too quickly. When she finished, she handed Yuna her staff and thanked her for its use.

"It will take Mother a while to piece herself together to see you. She is everywhere, all the time. And now, I need you to do me that favor I mentioned."

"What is it you need, Thanesh?"

"I need you to lock me away with Seymour," she said very seriously. "I know it seems horrible to ask, but I cannot do it myself. And I know you understand what it feels like to want to be with your beloved, even if it is under the most terrifying of circumstances. Please do this for me."

Yuna's heart felt as though it would stop beating all together at her request. But she looked at Tidus and felt his hand her hand and realized that she would have asked the very same thing. After a very long and painful moment of silence, she nodded and let go of Tidus' hand.

There was no element of ceremony as Thanesh walked a few steps into hell, immediately paling and losing her immortal beauty. She looked up at Yuna with a mix of gratitude, terror and relief on her face as the key turned and clicked in the hole, locked up tight. She smiled a moment at Yuna and the sunlight before turning and rushing down the stairs to find Seymour, who Yuna could almost hear screaming from somewhere deep within.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around, expecting to see Tidus with outstretched arms. Instead, she was face to face with a very short, very noble looking woman.

"I am Seraf, Mother of the Farplane," she said, answering the questing in Yuna's mind. "Do you wish to be my new gatekeeper?"

Author's note: I would apologize for the delay, but I think we're a little past that now. Leave a review if you liked or hated it or even if you think I forgot the original plot of my story and/or FFX, because I probably did. I started this story when I was 15, and I'm going to be 22 in 3 months.

In a weird way, I think I couldn't have written this chapter when I was younger. I had never been in love before, and I had never lost love before, so I couldn't appreciate it the way I do now. I'm sorry that this probably doesn't even seem like it was written by the same person. In a very real way, it wasn't.

I promise to get the next (and last!) chapter up before my 22nd birthday. And considering you waited 6 YEARS for this chapter, I don't think that's such a terrible wait.


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